First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector...and miss.

Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.

Learn how to read by taking small sips first. Drink my watery literary nipples.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.

If my liver cared enough, it would have told me to stop. - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy

A drunk can't follow a line of reasoning, even if it is a double white line.

People are crazy about food, smoking, drinking, girls but not about their dreams.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

He stopped complaining, but now I was annoyed. I went to the roof and drank alone.

The best colleague any doctor can have is a more fully informed patient and family.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

For me to enjoy a salad, I need the right dressing. Vodka is salad dressing, right?