A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out.


A brick could be used as a steak knife, and a fly swatter could be used as a meat tenderizer.


A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt.


A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.


I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat.

Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.

A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.


A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.


A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.


A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.


A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.


A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?


She used to be all right, Una, when we were kids. I liked that she wasn't fussed about her antlers.

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.