Tell Jack that after he finishs saving the universe again, he has to take out the trash in the kitchen."-Rosalind Kirby, one day in 1971

Wisdom of the Ages: "True Nobility" Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.

Sir Humphrey looked like a sleepy old hippo -- and when he yawned in that big, big, hippopotamus way Charity couldn't help doing likewise.

I'm turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud.

That's all you need? Easy. I love you.Okay? Want it louder?I love you. Spell it out schould I l-o-v-e y-o-u. Want it backwards You love I.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

Society teaches us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The bill of rights informs us that we have the right to keep it to ourselves.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night.

If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don't get upset when no one is around who's willing to give you a push.

I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Theaters" I think it is horribly unfair that children and old people get discounts, but blind people have to pay full price.