My life is measured into two distinct phases . . . BC is before cellulite and AC is for after cellulite. Sad but so true!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Hillary" Has replaced the term "battle-axe" to describe an undesirable mother-in-law in 37 languages.

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

And you'd be left there like a fucking dumpling. You'd be standing there. A fucking dumpling man I'm telling ye.

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.

This is unacceptable! We’re English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn't be!" - Governor Dewa

Assisted him? Dylan made the repairs. I only fell and hit my head, from what I can recall. Yes, I make excellent deadweight.

She meant to write: "Is Christy here yet?"Auto Correct turned it into: "Is crazy here yet?"For once Auto Correct got it right.

Macho and manly and stern and, oh man. Sam sighed. Guys like this were never gay. They were always the ones chasing the homos.

I didn't want to tell him that I was so wet that Noah would have had to build an ark to avoid the flood in my pants - Moxie

Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

I love Naples, Florida! Although, I’m so far behind everyone else there. After all, I’m still wearing my first face!

I vote, I challenge Bathymaasy and we shoot arrows at you dearest brother." ArtemisSet and Bathymaas laughed.Apollo, not so much.

Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.