A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?

I've decided to donate my arsenal of machine guns to a hunting charity. That should help raze a million bucks.

I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

I don’t just love you, I love you a 9.7. I would love you a 10, but who do you think you are, Greg Louganis?

After work, to unwind, I stand in the yard and act like a windmill. Plus, I never know when love will blow my way.

Celebrate your disability at Handicapped Parking Spot Day. (Spaces are limited, so reserve your spot today.)


A partir do momento em que é reconhecido, o absurdo é uma paixão, a mais dilacerante de todas.

Turn a pot into a hat in one easy step: put it on your head. I make love with the same sort of culinary innovation.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile.

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

If you got caught with your pants down. I suppose the first question to ask is, what were you doing in a fishing net

My face is pizza-shaped, and my acne in high school was like pepperoni. Thank God it was carry out and not delivery.