If debates accomplished anything, there wouldn't be a need for intelligence agencies...

You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist.

The statements I provided under oath were not false, they were substantially mispronounced.

[T]he most comic things of all are exactly the things most worth doing--such as making love.

You’re a fat cunt and you can’t add up to save your life.” Dimitri Pissec.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Walk On BaikuCup in hand, he singsI pass, playing deaf. Who's theReal street performer?

People who are needed by people who need people aren't the luckiest people in the world.

Roxy, stop being so obnoxious!" -Joy"I'm never obnoxious; I'm just concerned." -Roxy

Why is it that drama always starts late? Whereas comedy always seems to have started already.

The more important the briefing, the fewer the people in the room, toward a limit of -∞

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

What meteorologists refer to as a 'polar vortex' I call God getting his swagger back.

You're so vain, I bet you think this Special National Intelligence Estimate is about you.

If God gives you a hundred bucks, you better bet He’s going to ask you what you bought.