Promises are like assholes," Elsbeth pipes up. "They stink when you put your nose in them.

I have to go. Boss hasthis weird idea that I should actually work while he’s payingme.

I had one of those ideas I do sometimes get, though admittedly a chump of the premier class.

Now that he knew there was the possibility of gay porn in his future he was a happy hamster.

Serena had to cross her legs: in moments of dire amusement her bladder tended to play tricks.

It was all fun and games until someone else's dick was in your girlfriend's TMJ mouth

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.

I couldn't make it in a chicken world, sir, so I hit the road in search of something better.

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.

I was like, 'Dude, make me look bad. Please. I want to look ugly. I want to wear orange pants.

People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?

Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson"Oh, that's just a suggestion.