You promise?""I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

Hmmm... that's interesting.""What?""There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.

I had a fair idea how it felt to get spanked with a large flat surface, and my rump clenched in sympathy.

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. They don't fucking drink it.

Sqwaak!" from Fletcher, the environmental crime fighting parrot in The Big Belch graphic novel by Kay Wood.

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly.

(Matty) 'I'm going to a corn maze.'(Elliot) 'Oh, bitch. You've lost your ever-loving mind.

I had a date last night with my boyfriend on batteries. What does a girl have to do to get laid by a real penis?

You Sure this is it?" I said. "It looks empty.""Empty? No way, there's loads of shit in there," worm replied

Oh, how I longed to burst through the doors and go walking through the streets, with my hands open, like weapons!

Forget I ever referred to my mother and screwing in the same sentence. That's just .... wrong. On so many levels.

I'm the master of distractions. A couple of hand gestures and BAM! I'll pull the underwear clean off your butt.

Shane waved a hand. “Please, we know that all ittakes to get into your pants is a Hot Pocket and aNetFlix rental.