A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Men are scumbags until they prove they're women.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

She wondered if J.D. had polo ponies on his condoms.

Skinny jeans were only good if you had skinny genes.

hey haters! you can chase me but i'll catch you.

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

How's Uncle Louis today?" "Who?" "And Aunt Maude?

Hating Britain is a fundamental part of being British

Budget a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions