-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?

How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake?

Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman.

It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?

-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

I do believe in killing the messanger.You know why? Its sends a message.

Dude I finnaly understand you, and thats exactly why I have to kill you.

Doubt is a lot like faith; A mustard's seed worth changes everything.

Oh good Lord. She definitely hadn't put on enough deodorant for this.

I have no clue. I have ovaries; therefore, I repel all things mechanical.

Tell me about yourself.' A strange thing for a husband to ask a wife.

A conclusion is the place you get to when you’re tired of thinking.

phase two of Operation Fish and CHIPs (Clean House of the Idiot Piranhas)