Sometimes life takes oreos. But we have to learn to deal with it.

[Like they say,] small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Citizen's arrest," he said. "Well, that, and Patch told me to.

ELVIS & MARILYN:The deader they get -the more money they make.

She batted thoseeyelashes at me so hard I thought I felt a breeze.

I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway.

I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!

We nearly had our asses handed to us in a sling by a bunny rabbit?

The workings of the male mind are twisted indeed." Winnifred Crane

If you don't succeed the first time - you're about average

There's a place for farts, and there's a place for sharts.

I mean, shit, what Latino family doesn't think it's cursed?

You’ll be dethroned faster than a coke snorting beauty queen.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

Toddlers are germ-warfare machines in a cute package"- Debora Geary