America: It's a free country; that is if you can afford it.

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

Don't sound so surprised. I have sensible moments, you know.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

Can you enter a house uninvited?""No.""Why?""That would be rude.

REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.

My whole day has been a unicorn ride through a field of rainbows

You must have been going very fast.""I was, until I hit the fence.

Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows...

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

There are a few things that even sarcasm can't protect you from.

Even better. We're going to be murdered in our beds by infidels.

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie.

Don't worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed.

I was dead, and I hadn't even been able to attend my own funeral.