A First Sign of the Beginning of Understanding is the Wish to Die.

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1

I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I haven’t made dinner yet.

I’ll invite you to try my wedding. Free samples until Tuesday!

This city needs a stadium. Where am I supposed to masturbate?


Agatha had her tubes tied and now she can’t get any toothpaste.

To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's fo

I wash my hands in the blood of grapefruit. Come, drink with me.