You want to cut down air pollution? Cut down the original source... Breathin'!

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future.

I water my driveway, and I drive a hard bargain to work (it gets great gas mileage).

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tu

I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.

I am the Love Camel of Llama Land. Come, hop on my hump and let me lead you to water.

I am a love factory. I make love out of high quality plastics at an affordable price.

Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.

I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

A brick and a blanket together create a blick. That’s it. That’s all I got.

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.


Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working