I want to be my own wedding singer at my own wedding. But first I’ll have to audition.

He works for the CIA. Johnny Redyellow is his name, but I just simply call him Agent Orange.

The legend of Sam, the homosexual hermaphrodite.
(The impossibility is half possible!)

I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy.

When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

I have the lips of a lisp, and I kiss like kith. It sounds silly, but it feels more romantic.

I’m an extreme athlete. I’m into cuddling. I wonder if Red Bull would sponsor me.

It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.