College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.

He had a bright, reckless tenor that was always wandering off, looking for notes in the wrong places.

If you want to add some variety to your sex life, why don't you just use your other hand?" ~ Gabi

When dreaming is better than reality we're livingWhat's the sense of waking up in a nightmare?

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Sorry, I didn't see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

One thing I have to give Christians; were it not for Sunday, every day of the week would be a workday.

It was not that he was feckless, more that he had simply not been around the day they handed out feck.

Błogosławiony ten, co nie mając nic do powiedzenia, nie obleka tego faktu w słowa.

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost?

Basset Hounds never get scared. We’re fearless, resolute and know how to season a good lamb chop.

I think that the habit of gloomy poetry is very funny. It’s like a special competition in losing.

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.