When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

Make requests, not demands.example: “please” kill that zombie honey, I’m out of bullets.

Men exist because a vibrator can't fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card...

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.

You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...)

We’re automatons in a symphony conducted by a lunatic and performed by blind idealists.” Damon

I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!

Wisdom of the Ages: Another Bush in the White House-Yep they keep forgetting to grab the TV and silverware.

I just tripped over a pair of shoes and almost fell down and broke my neck and no I wasn't wearing them.

Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate.

I didn't feel strong. I felt like a big ball of wuss that wanted to curl up in my bed and never get out.

Not a week after Annie put her foot in Mrs. Huffmaster's duff, the Captain upped and laid down the date.

Muse usually gestured like an amphetamine-fueled Sicilian who's nearly gotten clipped by a speeding car.

No magnetic wombats, no flying hyenas, no catfish masquerading as samurai, and, MOST CERTAINLY, no Duku jam!

What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your kitchen.