Seeing how I've held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category.

I’ve had a lot of food but if you don’t jiggle me too much you can have your wicked way with me.

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask her if that includes parking.

Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.

May as well have ox blood running through those veins,” I added, “You’re as stubborn as one.

Does it seem like I'm out of it? No you seemed like you were in total control as you fell down the stairs.

Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.

Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it.

What are your interests?""Your son in my room," I said."Excuse me?""The sun and the moon," I said. "Astronomy.

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.

To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans

Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.

Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.

Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and esposas meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot.