I threw my hand over my mouth and blurted out the first best excuse I could come up with, “Morning breath!

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

‎What a blight that woman is. Do you happen to know why? I lean toward a malignant fairy at her christening.

Awoke to find three vultures sitting on the fence. Realizing they were a portent of impending death I shot them.

Sane people did what their neighbours did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.

Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches, your Grace. That’s my motto.

Writers cleave together like a demonic AA group - we are singularly able to dance with each other's devils...

When you want something done, you ask a man. When you want it done quietly and without any fuss, you ask a woman.

It would look pretty messed up to be a social worker and have dried kid blood as a permanent stain in your vehicle.

By the time he was done with the deer it had been dark three hours and his bad leg was singing 'Ave Maria'.

Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him.

If this was mental illness, or even just a particularly clinical case of adolescence, I was bearing up pretty well.

I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself.

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality.