Life is full of things that can kill me, you vampire m*****f****r, and you sure as shit can just get in line!"-- Dr. Adin Tredege

Renee: “Trout, get your mind out of the gutter.”Trout: “Can’t help it—it’s attached to my body.

When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up.

Seriously, what would you prefer? To stand out from everyone else, or disappear in the crowd? Because I call the latter 'sheep.

Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly a nerd.

Leandros's favorite place had turned out not to be vegetarian, but vegan, which was for people who preferred their suicide slow.

Oh, hell. You're a fairy," I said. "Yeah," he said. "You know, they call it 'being gay' nowadays, but sure, whatever.

He says he'd like to kiss the ground you walk on-reminds me, did you wash them yesterday?- and after that you're his skivvy.

As far as he was concerned, there were only two good positions for a human. A female on her back. And a male facedown not breathing.

Basker possesses three kinds of bite: a snap, a nip, and then something like a buzz saw and an angle grinder mounted on a bear trap.

So intense was his sexual frustration that it had begun to feel like a life-threatening illness: testicular gout, libidinal gangrene.

Real life... Witches: Wiccan practitioners. Werewolves: rare strain of rabies. Zombies: Prions/Plague. Vampires: Hemophilia/Porphyria

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.

Certainly no one has ever died of an unrequited passion—it's usually the ones that are requited that get people in trouble.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.