If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days.

Just because you’re allowed to use magic now you don’t have to whip your wands out for every tiny little thing!

Three eggs two slices of toast a cup of coffee an episode of Mr. Ed. A Violin and a bowl of fruit what else does a man need?

Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a moth saying, "Hey, let's go check out that awesome bonfire".

Sticks and Stones may break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.So throw me down, tie me up,and show me how you like me.

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Oh crap! Someone is asking me to quote myself. Why don't they just ask me to drink acid and run naked into a snowdrift?

...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.

People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.

Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:"Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee

If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it.

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.

Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a month saying, "Hey, let's go check out that awesome bonfire".

I like to think I'm helping them by hating them. I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind.