Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, COFFEE and acceptance…The SIX stages of waking up!!

Growing up I was so poor I wore coffee cups as shoes. The good part was my feet never fell asleep.

I drink coffee the way other men put on their pants—only after they’ve paid the hooker.

My alarm went off. My sleep went on. Dreaming about coffee is not the same as drinking down coffee.

I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter.

Midgets smell like small, and I’m in the mood for a medium, like a large coffee from Starbucks.

Coffee smells like how I imagine heaven will be scented. Would you like to spend eternity in my nose?

I am Ebenezer Snooze, and I am frugal with my sleep. I buy warm coffee cold, so I can get a discount.

The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?

There are three intolerable things in life - cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women...

I’ll start a threesome factory that also makes sex trees. How else am I supposed to grow coffee?

The best way to wake up is with coffee and an erection.
The cool part is one can stir the other.

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!


I need COFFEE to help me change the things I can... and WINE to help me accept the things I can't!