Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.

Dear smartphones, why can`t you charge yourself? Sincerely, you`re not so smart after all.

Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist

It used to be, “Can I have your number”? Now it’s, Do you have Facebook..

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

Dear Ceiling Fan, If you could hold my weight, i would never be bored again. Sincerely, Bored.

you`re sorry ? that`s cool. go write a book about it and let someone who actually cares read it.

Between Facebook texting, tweeting and email, I haven’t spoken a word in the last 3 years.

That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.

My friend has just updated his status saying. Is balancing on the edge of a cliff.. So i poked him.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

When someone adds me as a friend on Facebook, the first thing I do is go through all their pictures.

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

I had my DNA analyzed. It came back with four main components. Bacon, Chocolate, Coffee & Crazy.