Who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning paper?

That urge you get to write “no one gives a shit” on someone’s status.

Facebook is obviously from California because it says “Like” so many times.

If she has 500 likes & 500 comments on a picture, what’s missing? Her clothes.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It’s really that simple.

Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

Every minute I spend with you is like being in heaven and looking in an angel’s eyes.

Facebook is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes.

You wanna know who’s amazing and has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again.

It’s called Facebook not Boobbook. So next time try to get you face in the picture too.

The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is because they can see right down your shirt.

Your voice makes me tremble inside. Your smile is an invitation For my imagination to go wild.

Just thought a thought but the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.

Dear Internet Users, Someday you will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.

Choose your Facebook profile pic carefully. It’ll be the one they use when you go missing.