The weekends forecast… 100% chance of being drunk with a slight chance of making an ass out of myself.

Michael Jackson = KING OF POP, Elvis Presley = KING OF ROCK, Eminem = KING OF RAP, Justin Bieber = QUEEN OF POP

Hearing a noise when you’re home alone and just accepting the fact that it’s time to kick some ass.

Because of Facebook I never miss an argument, know when there’s gonna be a fight and when people break up.

I don’t always have a cool facebook status. But when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.

If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you’re a transformer.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.

I’m searching Facebook for people named Hontas, Just because I think it would be cool… to poke a Hontas.

When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.

Facebook should expand their relationship status field to include: One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits and Do it Yourself.

Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!

Facebook should have a button that says “in a flirtationship” because it seems like thats all there ever is anymore.

Because of Facebook I have failing grades, insomnia & I’m slowly beginning to see the fake in people as the days go by.

Don’t feel depressed if you’re alone this one day. Feel depressed that you’re alone the other 364 days of the year.