Girl, your face is not a coloring book. Chill with the make up.

When life hands you lemons, you chuck them at your competition.

I’m not random, you just can’t think as fast as me.

Dear homework, you are unattractive, there for I cannot do you.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

You never know what you have until… you clean your room.

Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

Love at first sight is normally cured by taking a second glance.

Will you be my boyfriend? Blink for yes, lick your elbow for no.

Unless your name is Google,stop acting like you know everything.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

My attitude is still a virgin because I don’t give a fuck.

Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.

I could’ve eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay.