When looking something up on Google, if its not on the first page of search results then it doesn’t exist and my journey ends there.

Teacher: “Why didn’t you complete your homework?” Student: “Oh Sorry, Kanye West didn’t let me finish.”

7 things a GIRL should look for in a guy: Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Devoted, Instinctive, Caring, Knowledgeable. In short, B.I.G. D.I.C.K.

When you are losing an argument on the internet, remember that attacking your opponents’ spelling and punctuation is always advisable.

Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”

She straightens her hair, puts on her eyeliner, glosses her lips & takes one last look in the mirror, all for the boy who will never care.

If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I’d go to the hospital because that sounds serious.

When your ex says “you’ll never find someone like me” you are supposed to turn around and say : “I sure hope not !”

Dear Gay Men, please stop being so much kinder, funnier and more attractive than straight men. It’s depressing. Sincerely, All Single Women.

A lot of people thinks that if they felt something different its TRUE LOVE. Then the next day, they’ll realize, it’s only FALSE ALARM.

Life’s all about ass. We’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or acting like one.

Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad I’ll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

Define complicated: It’s when you’re more than friends but not really and it’s like you’re lovers when it’s really otherwise.

Men are like wine. It begins as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of it until it turns into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Dear Week, I’m so over you. I’m leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don’t try to find us for at least 2 days. Love (not really), Me.