Governments that try to control the internet are SOPAthetic.

Turning into a ninja, when your phone rings in another room.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

If you rearrange the letters in CAPS LOCK you get COCK SLAP.

First I played hard to get, now he is playing hard to forget.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

I was born without you so guess what? I can live without you.

When I die bury me up side down so the world can kiss my ass!

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

Please keep talking, I always yawn when I’m interested.

Always remember to but brain into gear before engaging mouth.

Go on, add some variety to your sex life. Use the other hand!

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.