When life gives you lemons, take it, it’s free.

Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away.

Don’t make an eye contact when eating a banana.

People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

If at 1st you dont succeed, Sky Diving is not for you

Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

Life’s a gamble and I’m calling its bluff.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Money can’t buy you happiness but it sure helps!

Have you hugged an idiot today? Me neither, come here!

God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

When Will.I.Am dies will his head stone say Will.I.Was.

My boyfriend is as real as his birthday, Feburary 30th.

Who are the 90% of men whose condom broke? Answer: Dads