Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.

Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.

Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Please tell your pants it’s rude to point.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.”

You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

Okay, I get it. You only live once. Now, shut up.

I don’t have haters, I have fans in denial.

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Don’t disrespect women, you came out of one.