Sometimes I feel like Taylor swift reads my diary.

If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.

If brains were money, you’d be a charity case.

Life is a bed of roses but watch out for the pricks.

I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Bikinis should have an age limit and a weight limit.

Don’t follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.

People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

My middle finger gets a Boner when I think about you.

Distance sucks. The kitchen is so far from the couch.