I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

You said cray cray.”“I’d say anything for you.

George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself.

Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.

You know what would be awesome? . . . If I could have a machete.

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Jesus paid for our sins, so let's get our money's worth.

As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.