Economists are still trying to figure out why the girl with the least principles draws the most interest

Diplomat is a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

Middle age is when you have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that will get you home earlie

Money Attitude Ego are like underwear You should have it but you should not show it unless you are superman

The stock market is weird thing Every time one guy sells another one buys and they both think they are smart

Behind every successful woman there is a satisfied man But behind a satisfied woman there is an exhausted man

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac

I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses

Give a man a fish and he ll eat for a day but teach him to fish and he ll smell funny for the rest of his life

It s always darkest before dawn So if you re going to steal your neighbor s newspaper that s the time to do it

Instead of showering this morning I climbed into a washing machine and set it on self cleaning mode Big mistake

Girls are like phones They love to be held talked to but if you press the wrong button you will be disconnected

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think

I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt Most of us work 5 days a week the government spends 7

Never trust a girl who says she loves you more than anyone else in the world; it shows she has been experimenting