College is a fountain of knowledge and the students are there to drink

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I ll show you A-flat mine

When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she d dye

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she d dye

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding sings

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn t know

Procrastination has its good side You always have something to do tomorrow

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism-to steal from many is research

Any fool can paint a picture but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it

Advertisement in a Long Island shop: Guitar for sale Cheap no strings attached

The funny thing about miracles is that they never happen the way you plan them

The farther the remote is more you the more likely you like what s already on TV

I keep adjusting the brightness control on my TV but it s still as stupid as eve

If one sketches pictures of suspects for a living does this make him a con artist?

The nice thing about an antique is that if you crack it it only increases the value