If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.

It’s Christmas and 2011 is coming closer to an end! what’s the funniest thing you remember me doing this year??

A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM

I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.

When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..

My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking 2011, I’ll rent a boat…..

Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.

Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.