I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.

Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your numbe

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!

I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and i’m still at school.

When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.

I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.