Subedaar Deedar singh from the armoured corps had one desire that he has a stable of boys who would all join his regiment and get that honour for him and the family just like he had done So when the first born arrived he didn t heed to his mother asking him to conduct the naamkarn ceremony and announced his child to be christened Leftaan Singh (Lieutenant Singh) after all he was the first in the heirarchy When the next son came he coughed and announced Kaptaan (Captain) Singh Thus began the saga of ritual home grown promotions till he had Major Singh Karnail (Colonel) Singh Bargader (Brigadier) Singh and finally Jarnail (General) Singh Sache Patshaah in his benevolence had been magnanimous and he could rest now but then arrived a beautiful baby girl Subedaar sahab was stumped and paced up and down to figure out an appropriate name His wife seeing his frustration called out Gal suno biba da nau ARMAD KAUR na rakhh daiye???
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Whatsapp par 2 km lambe message bhejne waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi John Abraham ko comedy film me cast karne waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Har hafte Adobe update nikaalne wale logon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Good morning ko Guuddd Morningggg Likhne waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Good Night bol ke bhi online rehne waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Price tag ke aagey Only lagane waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Chilar ki jagah Eclairs dene waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Har movie se pehle gutka mukesh ki ad dikhane waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Ladkon ki reply par hmmm likhne wali ladkiyon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi I love you but as a friend kehne wali ladkiyon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Har hafte set max par Sooryavansham dikhane waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Sunny Leone ko sari pehnaane waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi Android per BBM use karne waalon tumhe Janta maaf nahi karegi
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1 Agar aapko kutta kaat le to aap usay kaat lein hisaab baraabar 2 Doodh phat jaaye to safed dhagay se siii lein Kisi ko pataa nahi chalega 3 Agar aap ke baal girtay hon to mundan karwa lein Phir nahi girenge 4 Agar rang gora karna ho toh machhli kha k doodh pee lein Safed ho jaaoge 5 Agar gale me dard ho to kisi se gala dabwa lain Phir kabhi dard nahi hoga 6 Agar aap ke paaon ki ediyan phat jayen aur koi cold cream asar na kare to aap sui dhaaga lekar siii lain 7 Agar aap ke haath main bahut dard hai to ek mazboot hatthaudi lain aur zor se paaon pe maaren Yaqeen karen aap haath ka dard bhool jaayenge 8 Agar aap ke daant me keeda lag jaaye to ek do haftay tak kuchh Khayen peeyen nahi Keera andar hi bhookha mar jaayega 9 Agar aap ko raat main neend nahi aati to aankhon main ek ek Drop Elfy daal lain Aap ko neend bhi achchhi aayegi aur subah aankh bhi nahi khulegi Totkon se phayda ho toh duaon mein yaad rakhana Warna khush to main waise bhi hoon
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I called at Vodafone Customer Care a girl picked up the phone Girl: Vodafone care mein aapka swaagat hai Me: Thank you Girl: Mein aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hun?? Me: Kya aap shaadi karna chahti hain mujhse?? Girl: Jee aapne galat number laga diya hai Me: Nahin nahin maine sahi number lagaya hai aap shaadi karengi? Girl: Jee mein shaadi main interested nahin hun Me: Arre madam sun toh lijiye ek baar Girl: Not interested Me: Love marriage karengi toh honeymoon Switzerland mein arrange marriage karengi toh Paris mein Girl: Jee mein aapse shaadi karna hee nahinchahti toh aap offer kyun de rahe hain?? Me: Court marriage ka expense 10 000 Rs normal wedding ka expense 2 00 000 Rs Girl: Aapko samajh nahin aata ki mujhe shaadi nahin karni phir bhi aap samajhte nahin Me: Ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard jab hume aapke offers mein interest nahin hota phir bhi aap humaari naak mein ungli karne baar baar call karti rehti hain Girl shocked I rocked
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Monday Night: Wife: Aaj tum daaru peeke aaye ho Kyun? Husband: Arre aaj office main foreign clients ke saath meeting thi to peeni padi Tuesday Night: Wife: Aaj tum fir daaru pee ke aaye ho Kyun? Husband: Arre aaj mere ek friend ki engagement thi toh usne party di isliye Wednesday Night: Wife: Aaj bhi tum peeke aaye ho Husband: Aaj ek friend ka breakup ho gaya wo bahut udaas tha toh uska mood fresh karne ke liye Thursday Night: Wife: Aaj fir se Ab kiska breakup ho gaya? Husband: Breakup nahi Aaj Office mai work load tha bahut tension thi isliye Friday Night: Wife: Aaj kyun? Husband: Jis friend ki engagement thi na Tuesday ko Aaj uski shaadi thi toh khushi ke mauke pe toh peeni banti hai Saturday Night: Wife: hmmm Ab? Husband: Aaj purane school friends mil gaye the toh wo disco le gaye aur zabardasti pila di maine bahut mana bhi kiya par maane nahi Sunday Night: Wife (gusse se): Ab Aaj kya ho gaya? Husband: AADMI EK DIN BHI APNI MARZI SE NAHI PI SAKTA HAI KYA ???
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Mele Mein Announcement Hui: Ek Bachcha Mila Hai JIN KA HAI Aa Kar Le Jaayein Santa Bheed Se Chillata Hua Aaya: Mujhe Bhi Dikhaaaaaooo JIN KA BACCHA Kaisa Hota Hai Santa: Yaar Saamne Waale Makaan Mein Ek Ladki Har Roz Khidki Mein Se Rumaal Hila-Hila Ke Ishaare Karti Hai Per Kabhi Khidki Nahin Kholti Ab Tu Hi Bata Yaar Kya Karun? Banta: Behak Mat Bhai Vo Ladki Tukhe Dekhkar Rumaal Nahin Hilaati Darasal Vo Us Ghar Ki Naukraani Hai Aur Khidki Ke Sheeshe Saaf Karti Hai Jeeto Ek Dibbe Mein Apne Bachche Ki Potty Lekar Test Karwaane Jaati Hai Doctor: Behan Ji Yo Potty Nahin Halwa Hai Jeeto Hairaani Se Aur Lagbhag Rote Hue: Doctor Ji Muje Ek Phone Call Karni Hai Badi Urgent and Important Hai Please Doctor Saab Doctor: Kar Lijiye Behanji Koi Baat Nahi Lekin Hua Kya??? Jeeto: Unko Batana Hai Ki Vo Galat Dibba Office Le Gaye Hain Santa Sharaab Pee Kar Jaa Raha Thaa Raaste Main Vo Ek Saadhu Se Takra Jaata Hai Sadhu Gusse Mein: Aye Murkh Mein Tujhe SHRAAP Deta Hun Santa: Rukiye Maharaj Mein Glass Leke Aata Hun
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Aaj kal ki ladkiyan choti choti baat pe chat account block kar deti hain Few examples: Boy: What s your Name?? Girl: Palak and you? Boy: Paneer **BLOCKED ** Girl : Hello I am Khusbu Boy: Khusbu ka dusra naam bharosa agarbati kone kone me khusbu faila de **Blocked** Boy: Hi what s your name?? Girl: Neha Singhal Boy: Oh I am also Single **Blocked** Girl: What s UP? Boy: Uttar Pradesh **blocked** Girl: Tu soya hai ??? Boy: Nahi Schezwan hun **Blocked Instantly** Girl: I m free tommorow Boy: Pehle kya paid thi?? **BLOCKED** Boy: Aj mausam achha hai Mall chalte hain Girl: Waha kya karenge?? Boy: Hawan karenge hawan karenge **Blocked** Girl: See ya Boy: Ram Chandra ki jai **Blocked** Girl: Have a Good Day Boy: No thank you I like Parle-G more **BLOCKED** Girl: I need some Space Boy: Ok then go to Sonakshi Sinha s forehead **Blocked** Girl puts up her status: Waiting for CHENNAI EXPRESS Boy: COOLIE hai kya?? **Blocked** Boy: Thank you Girl: It s my Pleasure Boy: My Bajaj Pulsar **Blocked Forever**
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Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching Hubby to wife: I swear I didn t Wife: I know I did it Doctor to injured patient: Jab Car Ek Lady Vhalaa Rahi Thi Toh Tumhein Road Se Dur Hat Jaana Chahiye Tha Patient: Kaun Sa Road? Main Toh Garden Mein Letaa Huaa Tha Husbund Wife Ek Hi Plate Mein Pani Puri Kha Rahe The 1 Dusre Ki Aankhon Mein Aankhe Daal Ke Wife Pyar Se: Aaise Kya Dekh Rahe Ho? Husband: Thoda Aaram Se kha Meri Baari Hi Nahi Aa Rahi Husband to Wife: Tum Sabke Saamne AG OG Suno G Kah Kar Kyun Boltee Ho? Wife: Hum Indian Wives Sanskaron Waali Hoti Hain Kabhi Sabke Saamne Apne Pati Ko Abe Gadhe Ya Oye Gadhe Ya Sun O Gadhe Nahin Bol Sakti Isliye Short Mein AG OG Sun O G Kehti Hain A wife wrote this specially for her husband: Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Ye Khayal Aata Hai Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Ye Khayal Aata Hai Jab Tu Raat Ko 11 00 Baje So Jaata Hai Toh Next Day Morning Tera Whatsapp Last Seen at 2 30 AM Kyuin Dikhata Hai???
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A Boy to a girl: Hey New Laptop? Girl: Yes Boy: Even I ve got a new one Girl: Oh really Which one? Boy: Dell Inspiron 14 5000 14 inch touch screen 1 7ghz intel core i5 CPU 8GB RAM 1TB hard disk windows 8 1 HD graphics bluetooth 4 HD 720p webcam and 3 cell lithium ion battery Girl: Ohh nice Boy: And Yours? Girl: Mera Na Pink Wala Hai Usmein Internet Bhi Hai Songs Bhi Hain Aur Usmein Pendrive Bhi Laga Sakte Hain Ek Ladke Ko Uski Girlfriend Ne 2 Baar Message Kiya Aur Dono Hi Baar Ladka Heart Attack Ki Vajah Se Marte-Marte Ye Hain Vo Do Message: Pehla: Bahut Ho Gaya It s Time to Break-up Sab Kuch Khatam Ho Gaya Doosra Message: Sorry Sorryyy Ye Message Tumhaare Liye Nahin Tha Girl: Ye Lo Pendrive Ismein FACEBOOK Aur Whatsapp Daal Do Please Boy gave a surprised look to the girl Girl: Kya Hua 2 GB Mein Nahin Aayega Kya??? Girlfriend: McDonald s Chalein? Boy: Spelling Bolo Toh Hi Jayenge Girlfriend: McDonald s Rehne Do KFC Chalte Hain Boy: Agar KFC Ka Full Form Bata Dogi Toh Le Chalunga Girlfriend: Rehne De Kanjoos Samosa Hi Khila De
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Patni: Chalo Ek Khel Khelte Hain Main Chhupti Hoon Aur Aap Mujhe Dhoondhna Agar Aapne Dhoondh Liya Toh Main Aapke Saath Shopping Karne Chalungi Pati: Aur Agar Nahin Dhoondh Paya Toh ? Patni: Aaisa Mat Kaho Jaanu Bas Darwaje Ke Peechhe Hee Chhupoongi Ek Aurat Apne Boyfriend Ke Saath Bazaar Mein Ghoom Rahi Thee Ki Tabhi Uska Pati Mila Gaya Pati Ne Boyfriend Ko Peetna Shuru kar Diya Aurat: Maaro Saaley Ko Apni Biwi Ko Kabhi Ghumaane Le Jaata Nahi Aur Doosron Ki Biwion Ko Le Jaata Hai Tabhi Boyfriend Ko Josh Aa Gaya Aur Woh Pati Ko Peetne Shuru Kar Deta Hai Aurat: Maar Saale Ko Khud Toh Kabhi Ghumaane Le Jaata Nahi Aur Doosron Ko Bhi Nahin Ghumaane Deta Husband: Tumhare Shaadi Se Pehle Kitne Boyfriend The?? Wife silent Husband Chilla Ke: Mein Iss Khamoshi Ka Kya Matlab Samjhun? Wife: Haaye Rabba Gin Toh Rahi Hun Chilla Kyun Rahe Ho Pati: Saab Meri Patni Gum Ho Gayi Hai Postmaster: Oye Andhaa Hai Kya ??? Ye Post Office Hai Police Station Jaa Na Pati: Maaf Karna Bhai Kyaa Karoon Khushi Ke Maare Kuchh Samajh Nahi Aa Rahaa Ki Kidhar Jaauun ???`
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Scene: Ajit is watching cricket match of India vs Pakistan Chetan is bowling and Javed is batting Pakistan needs 24 runs in 4 balls Ajit: Rabert Jao Aur Chetan Se Kaho Ki Ek Khatarnak Bouncer Daal De Aur Javed Ko Out Kar De Robert: Ok boss Robert Jaata Hai Aur Ajit Ka message De Deta Hai Chetan nods and bowls a bouncer but Javed hits it for a six Ajit: Rabert Ab Chetan Se Kehna Ek Tez Sa Yorker Daal De Aur Javed Kaa Kaam Tamam Kar De Robert: Ok boss He goes again and Ajit Ka message Chetan Ko De Deta Hai Chetan nods and bowls yorker but Javed hits it for a six again Now there are two balls and 12 runs Ajit: Rabert Ab Chetan Se Jaake Kehna Ek Khatarnak Out Swinger Daal De Aur Javed Ko Catch Out Karwa De Robert: Ok boss He goes to Chetan and tells him to bowl an Out Swinger Chetan nods and bowls an out swinger but Javed again hits it for a six again Now just one ball and six runs to win Robert: Boss Ab Chetan Ji Se Kya Kehna Hai? Ajit: Ab Chetan Se Kuch Mat Kehna Is Baar Javed Ke Paas Jao Aur Kaho Ki Uski Maa Aur Beewi Hamare Kabje Mein Hai
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When Bobby Darling was born Doctor said: Mubarak ho Dhokha hua hai When Ekta Kapoor was born doctor said: Mubarak ho Mubarak ho Mubarak ho Kaun hua hai jaanne ke liye dekhiye agla episode When Manmohan Singh was born Sholay was playing on the hospital TV and AK Hangal said: Itna sannata kyun hai bhai? When Prabhudeva was born the doctor said: Thoda bachcha hilna band karega toh check karke batate hain When Arnab Goswami was Born - Before Doctors could say anything Arnab Said: C mon Tell me How you pulled me? Nation wants to know That When Kangana Ranawat was born the doctors said: Mubalak ho ek totali beautiful girl hui hai When Rahul Gandhi was born Doctor said: Mubarak ho aapke sath majaak hua hai When Daya was born - Doctors ran away to open all the doors of hospital When Kamaal R Khan was born Doctor tried to push him in When Tusshar Kapoor was born the doctor said to Jeetendra: Maaf kar dijiye Galti ho gayi When Nargis Fahkri was born doctor said mubaraq ho Duck ki behen Hui hai When Harman Baweja was born doctors said: Hrithik hua hai
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Santa Ke Ghar Navjot Singh Siddhu Ki Tasvir Lagi Hui Thi Banta: Yaar Tujhe Toh Cricket Mein Bilkul Bhi Interest Nahin Hai Phir Tune Siddhu ji Ki Photo Kyun Laga Rahi Hai??? Santa: Kaun Siddhu?? Main Toh Laughing Buddha Lene Gaya Tha Dukaandar Ne Kaha Ye Le Jao Latest Hai Santa Jab Bhi Kapde Dhota Tab Hi Baarish Ho Jaati Ek Din Dhoop Nikli Toh Usne Shukr Kiya Aur Dukaan Pe Surf Lene Gaya Wo Jaise Hi Dukaan Par Gaya Baadal Zor-Zor Se Garajne Lage Santa Fatafat Aasmaan Ki Taraf Muh Karke Bola: Kya?Kidhar??Main Toh Biscuit Lene Aaya Hoon Kasam Se ??? Santa Ki Maa: 21 Saal Tak Meri Koi Aulad Nahi Hui Press Reporter: Phir Apne Kya Kiya? Santa Ki Maa: Phir Jab Mein 21 Saal Ki Hui Toh Papa Ne Meri Shadi Karwa Di Phr Ja Ke Apna Ye Santa Hua Ek Aadmi Khade-Khade Chaabi Se Apna Kaan Khujla Raha Tha Santa Usko Bade Gaur Se Dekhte Hue Bola: Bhaisahab Aap Start Nahi Ho Rahe Toh Dhakka Maaru? Doctor: Motape Ka Ek Hi Ilaaj Hai Tum Roj 2 Chapatis Khaya Karo Santa: Theek Hai Doctor Sahab Par Ye Toh Bataiye 2 Chapati Khaane Se Pehle Jhaani Hai Ya Khaane Ke Baad ?
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Patient: Doctor Sahab Jaldi Kuch Karo Mere Pairon Par Ek Aurat Ne Gaadi Chadha Di Doctor Ne Usko Achche Se Check Kiya Aur Paaya Ki Bahut Hi Mamuli Si Chot Hai Par Mareez Ghabraya Hua Hai Doctor Bola: Oh Bhai Operation Karna Padega Bahut Kharcha Aayega Taiyaar Ho? Mareez: Kuchh Bhi Karo Jaldi Karo Kameeni Ne Mara Hua Soch Kar Uthaya Bhi Nahin Itne Mein Doctor Ki Biwi Ka Phone Aa Gaya Doctor: Hellooo Biwi: Hello Ko Maro Goli Main Ek Musibat Mein Phas Gayi Hun Jaldi Se Koi Raasta Batao Doctor: Kaisi Musibat??? Biwi: Maine Car Chalate Hue Ek Aadmi Ko Takkar Maar Di Aur Vo Shayad Mar Gaya Hai Doctor: Aadmi Ne Kapde Kaise Pehen Rakhe The? Biwi: Hari T-shirt Aur Black Pant Doctor: Oh To Us Ko Tumne Maara Hai? Police Khooni Ko Talaash Karti Hui Ghoom Rahi Hai Biwi: Toh Ab Mein Kya Karun? Doctor: Karna Kya Hai 4-6 Mahine Ke Liye Maikey Chali Jao Jaldi Patni: Theek Hai Jaa Rahi Hoon Mareez: Doctor Ji Karo Na Kuch Doctor: Bhai Kuch Nahin Hua Hai Tujhe Yeh Piase Pakad Aur 4-5 Beer Le Aaa Jaldi Se Dono Piyenge Aur Haan Please Ye Hari T-shirt Nikaal Ke Jaa
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1 Agar aap Black Goggles pistol aur fuddu se Coat mein apna DP set karte hai to aap cool nahi aapchutiyehain 2 Mall ke andar shades pehen kar ghoomne wale jo apne aap aapko dude samajhte hain krupa dhyan de Aap dude nahi AapChutiyeHain 3 Daru pi ke har jagah ulti karne wale experienced drinker everybody at the party knows ki AapChutiyeHain 4 Agar aap apni crush se uske paanch baar please bolne pe rakhi bandhwane ko tayyar ho jaate hain toh kasam Rakhi Sawant ki AapChutiyeHain 5 Apne birthdayy pe party nahi dene wale dost agar aaj mere birthday pe party maangte ho to aapke birthday cake pe bhi yahi likha hoga aapchutiyehain 6 Agar apko lagta hai ki Office Mail mein As soon as possible likhne se kaam jaldi ho jaayega toh MS Outlook ki kasam AapChutiyeHain 7 Agar aap GYM ke liye 40k upfront dete hain or 1st floor ke liye bhi lift ka upyog kartey hain toh Adnaan Saami bhi kahega AapChutiyeHain 8 Agar aap bhari hui Mumbai local mein ipad nikaal ke temple run khelne khade ho jaate hein toh Steve jobs bhi kahega AapChutiyeHain 9 Agar aap apni splendour ka silencer nikalwa ke sochte hai ab wo sports bike type lagegi toh mechanic bhi kahega AapChutiyeHain
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