At a Bar a NUN preaches: Drinking is Bad Man: Have you tried it? Nun: No Never Man: Ok you try once if you don t like it I ll giv up Drinking Nun: Ok but bring it in Teacup I don t want people seeing me drinking Man goes to the bartender and says: Giv me two Shots of Rum in Tea-Cups Bartender- IS THAT NUN HERE Again?
Thief: Oh The police is here Quick jump out of the window Fellow thief: But this is the 13th floor Thief: Hurry this is no time for superstitions
One beautiful Sunday morning a minister announced to his congregation: My good people I have here in my hands three sermons a 100 sermon that lasts five minutes a 50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes and a 10 sermon that lasts a full hour Now we will take the collection and see which one I will delive
The pastor was talking to a group of young children about believing in Jesus and going to heaven At the end of his talk he asked confidently And where do you want to go? Heaven they shouted in unison Now on a roll he asked And what do you have to be to get there? Dead was one boy’s immediate reply
I hope you didn`t take it personally Reverend an embarrassed woman said after a church service when my husband walked out during your sermon I did find it rather disconcerting the preacher replied It`s not a reflection on you sir insisted the church goer Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child
A minister was opening his mail one morning Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: FOOL The next Sunday he announced I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a lette
Paddy sat in the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn t find a parking place Looking up to heaven he said Lord take pity on me If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey Miraculously a parking place appeared Paddy looked up again and said Never mind I found one
George was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn t find a parking place Looking up toward heaven he said Lord take pity on me If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila Miraculously a parking place appeared George looked up again and said Never mind I found one
One morning a man came into the church on crutches He stopped in front of the holy water put some on both legs and then threw away his crutches An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen Son you`ve just witnessed a miracle the priest said Tell me where is this man now? Flat on his ass over by the holy water said the boy
One morning a man came into the church on crutches He stopped in front of the holy water put some on both legs and then threw away his crutches An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen Son you`ve just witnessed a miracle the priest said Tell me where is this man now? Flat on his ass over by the holy water said the boy
A guy was coming out of church one day and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands He grabbed him by the hand and pulled him aside and said You need to join the Army of the Lord The guy said I m already in the Army of the Lord Pastor Pastor questioned How come I don t see you except at Christmas and Easter? He whispered back I m in the Secret Service
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend The attendant worked quickly but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station Finally the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump Sorry about the delay It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip The minister chuckled I know what you mean It s the same in my business
Before performing a baptism the priest approached the young father and said solemnly Baptism is a serious step Are you prepared for it? I think so the man replied My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests I don t mean that the priest responded I mean are you prepared spiritually? Oh sure came the reply I ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey
Before performing a baptism the priest approached the young father and said solemnly Baptism is a serious step Are you prepared for it? I think so the man replied My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests I don`t mean that the priest responded I mean are you prepared spiritually? Oh sure came the reply I`ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey
An alter boy is in church cleaning the pews when he sees a cripple struggle through the doors of the church and make his way to the font of holy water The boy watches as the cripple manages to get up the step sprinkles holy water on his legs and then throws his crutches away The alter boy runs to get the priest and explains what he saw It s a miracle exclaims the priest where is he now? Flat on his ass by the holy water says the boy
