A politician awakened after a serious operation only to find himself in a room with all the blinds drawn Why are all the blinds closed? he asked the doctor Well the surgeon responded They re fighting a huge fire across the street and we didn t want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure

Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-ray the equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Rayed instead Oh no cried the lab technician Your reproductive organs just received a huge dose of radiation What does that mean? asked the worried young man It s serious replied the technician All your children will be lawyers

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on

An airplane full of lawyers was hijacked The terrorists threatened that until all their demands were met they would release one lawyer every hou

One prisoner to another: How long are you in this jail ? Second prisoner: Two weeks First prisoner: What was the charge? Second prisoner: No charge everything is free

I`m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money Why do you say that? Listen to this from his bill: `For waking up at night and thinking about your case: 25`

Mommy do they ever bury two people in the same grave? Of course not dear replied the mother Why would you think that? The tombstone back there said `Here lies a lawyer and an honest man `

A man walked into a bar with his alligator He asked the bartender Do you serve lawyers here? Sure do replied the bartender Good said the man Give me a beer and I`ll have a lawyer for my alligato

Said a lady to her friend When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us Two children stayed with me two went to my ex-husband What happened to the property? asked the friend That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer`s club by mistake The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money The gang was very happy to escape It ain`t so bad one crook noted We got 25 between us The boss screamed: I warned you to stay clear of lawyers We had 100 when we broke in

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news Client: Well give me the bad news first Lawyer: the bad news is that the dna tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene Client: Oh no I m ruined What s the good news? Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol IS NORMAL

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher The judge rose from the bench Madam I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court He smiled with delight Now sit down at that table and write `I will not run a red light` five hundred times

Two small boys not yet old enough to be in school were overheard talking at the zoo one day My name is Billy What s yours? asked the first boy Tommy replied the second My Daddy s an accountant What does your Daddy do for a living? asked Billy Tommy replied My Daddy s a lawyer Honest? asked Billy No just the regular kind replied Tommy

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl`s grandmother On their way through the cemetery back to the car the little girl asked Mommy do they ever bury two people in the same grave? Of course not dear replied the mother Why would you think that? The tombstone back there said: Here lies a lawyer and an honest man

In Oregon dead people are forbidden to serve on juries And actual packaging instructions: ON MARKS SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron clothes on body ON BOOTS CHILDREN S COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID): Warning: May cause drowsiness