Jill calls her friend Linda Linda picks up the phone Jill : Do ya wanna go to the mall with me? Linda : Why? Jill : I need to study cosmetics Linda : Why? Jill : Well my English teacher says ` I have a make-up exam on Monday

Johnny asked his classmate Do you know how to keep a foolish person in suspense No you tell me I ll tell you some other day

Mum: Andy where are you off to now? Rahul: I`m going to join the army Mum: But legally you`re only an infant Rahul: That`s all right I`m going to join the infantry

As a little girl climbed onto Santa`s lap Santa asked the usual And what would you like for Christmas ? The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute then gasped: Didn`t you get my e-mail?

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax What will happen to her? Eventually said the Doctor she will rise and shine

Teacher: Sam you talk a lot Johnny: It s a family tradition Teacher: What do you mean? Johnny: Sir my grandpa was a street hawker my father is a teacher Teacher: What about your mother? Johnny: She s a woman

Little Johnny watched fascinated as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face Why do you do that Mom? To make myself beautiful she answered She then began to remove the cream with a tissue What s the matter? Johnny started Giving up?

A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar The salesman says Little boy is your mother home? Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says What the hell do you think?

Little Johnny watched fascinated as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face Why do you do that mommy? he asked To make myself beautiful said his mother who then began removing the cream with a tissue What s the matter? asked Little Johnny Giving up?

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers Yes he said I do My father taught me Good What comes after three? Four answers the boy What comes after six? Seven Very good says the teacher Your dad did a fine job What comes after ten? A jack

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school Two days later his teacher phoned his mother totell her that he was misbehaving Wait a minute she said I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved

Having just moved to a new home a young boy meets the boy next door Hi my name is Billy he says what s yours? Tommy replied the other My daddy s an accountant says Billy What does your daddy do? He s a lawyer Tommy answers Honest? says Billy No just the regular kind

Give me a sentence about a public servant said a teacher A small boy wrote: The fireman came down the ladder pregnant The teacher took the lad aside to correct him Don t you know what pregnant means ? she asked Sure said the young boy confidently It means carrying a child

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old son and beeped his car horn by mistake He turned and looked at him for an explanation He said I did that by accident He replied I know that daddy He replied How d you know? The boy said Because you didn t say ASSHOLE afterwards

Little Johnny at the swimming pool Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool You`re not allowed to pee in the pool said the lifeguard I`m going to report you But everyone pees in the pool said Johnny Maybe said the lifeguard but not from the diving board