5 No one but their creator understands their internal logic 4 Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference 3 The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else 2 The message Bad command or filename is about as informative as if you don t know why I m mad at you then I m certainly not going to tell you 1 As soon as you make a commitment to one you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
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ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity WWW - World Wide Wait DOS - Defunct Operating System IBM - I Blame Microsoft MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not The Operating System Hangs PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
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When my printer s type began to grow faint I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned Because the store charged 50 for such cleanings he told me I might be better off reading the printer s manual and trying the job myself Pleasantly surprised by his candor I asked Does your boss know that you discourage business? Actually it s my boss s idea the employee replied sheepishly We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first
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Be afraid Infact very afraid or be yourself Technology can hurt you A wife was calling out for her husband from the kitchen to help her with the dishes but did not get a response She went looking for him in the bed room and found hubby asleep on his files tired of work She walked closer to him looked at the innocent face played with his hair softly sweetly and then suddenly slapped his face The husband got up with a shock and asked what happened?? ? That s when the wife showed him his phone which showed: Last seen on whatsapp 1 minute ago Technology HURTS
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One of Microsoft s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp At the rifle range he was given some instruction a rifle and bullets He fired several shots at the target The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target The tech looked at his rifle and then at the target He looked at the rifle again and then at the target again He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand The end of his finger was blown off whereupon he yelled toward the target area It s leaving here just fine the trouble must be at your end
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Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage Dave had been saving for an engagement ring but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer Mary was understanding telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead During dessert Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring Mary was stunned but after she collected herself she looked up and prompted Well don`t you have something to ask me? Dave then got down on bended knee Honey he said will you buy me a new computer?
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Did you hear that Google is now offering free email accounts that are 500 times bigger than Yahoo s or MSN s accounts? Yep but there is a catch: Google plans on reading your mail and then delivering ads based upon the content of the email So if your wife sends you a note saying If you don t figure out a way to get your dick hard then I m going to be forced to bone Santos our pool boy Then Google will include three ads in her message: First for Viagra to offer help for your problematic erectile dysfunction Second for Purina dog food to help build healthy bones and to satisfy the most important need - a local pool service
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The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew The plane taxied to the loading area automatically its doors opened automatically the steps came out automatically The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats The steps retreated automatically the doors closed and the airplane taxied toward the runway Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen a computer voice intoned Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner Everything on this aircraft is run electronically Just sit back and relax Nothing can go wrong nothing can go wrong nothing can go wrong
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HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by someone in the receiving chain HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a Reply All HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself
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1 Someone on his status Sleeping since 3 Days He s Probably dead 2 Someone is Driving since 5 days I guess he reached Dubai 3 Someone s status is Happy since 1 Month Living in Paradise??? 4 Someone is always Available How free Are you????? 5 From first day their status is Hey there I m using WhatsApp I Know That s why you re on my list 6 Someone writes urgent calls only Don t get it Are you in the police or ambulance service? 7 Someone says Can t talk Whatsapp only Dude then throw away your phone You are not using the phone s Primary function 8 Someone is at d movies for the past 6 weeks Either he owns d theatre or sells popcorn there
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There s a new illness discovered at the University of Bheja It s a condition called WhatsApia The symptoms are: 1 Having an app called WhatsApp 2 Constantly checking to see if you have messages 3 Checking if someone has been online and why they haven t replied to you 4 Anxiety that you must reply or the other person will feel bad 5 Expecting comments if you change your profile pic and/or update your status 6 Pretending to listen to someone while busy chatting on whatsapp 7 First thing when you wake up needing your dose of whatsapp 8 Copying this message and pasting in other groups The only treatment for it is to dump your smart phone
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A poor downtrodden beggar stands on the street not having much luck Exasperated and hungry he decides to make a sign and hastily scrawls the word Beg on a piece of cardboard Hardly anyone pays him and his new sign any mind A few passers-by drop him a couple of pennies Suddenly he gets an idea He picks up his sign and to the word Beg he adds com From around the corner two venture capitalists appear tripping over themselves to be the first to hand him a quarter of a million dollars Pleased with his new-found wealth the beggar decides to go one better Flipping his cardboard sign over he writes e-Beg Immediately Jerry Yang and Bill Gates pull up in limousines and ask to buy him out
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In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track Though no one was killed the driver took the train company to court At the trial the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he`d done it The court believed his story and the suit was dismissed `Congratulations ` the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over `You did superbly under cross-examination ` `Thanks ` he said `but he sure had me worried ` `How`s that?` the lawyer asked `I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit `
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The man The Machine The Software - PeopleSoft VII Boy - I am a PB boy Girl - I am a PB gal Badte bacho ke liye complete software - Powerbuilder Eat bugs Sleep bugs Do only debugs Internet Programmer - I got the ASP power now u go get it Microsoft office - Nothing official about it Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus Software hai jaha Norton Antivirus hein vaha Project Manager - I want the code today Programmer - 2 minutes Programmer ka kaam kare asaan Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan VB VB VB Progect Manager - Power objects is the secret of my programs Programmers - Our programs Husband - Thak gaya hoon mein Wife gives him instant coffee and says To create instant miracle Use Oracle
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Hard Disk Girls: She remembers everything FOREVER RAM Girls: She forgets about you the moment you turn her off Windows Girls: Everyone knows that she can t do a thing right but no one can live without her Screensaver Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun Internet Girls: Difficult to access Server Girls: Always busy when you need her Multimedia Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster Email Girls: Every ten things she says eight are nonsense Virus Girls: Also known as WIFE ; when you are not expecting her she comes installs herself and uses all your resources If you try to uninstall her you will lose something if you don t try to uninstall her you will lose everything
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