A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other Sandy approached and asked if he was alright The boy said he was A little while later however Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot still by himself Approaching again Sandy said Would you like me to be your friend? The boy hesitated then said Okay looking at the woman suspiciously Feeling she was making progress Sandy then asked Why are you standing here alone? Because the little boy said with great exasperation I m the fucking goalie

Two Blondes were out hunting They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something The first blonde says to the other If you get lost fire three shots into the air every hour That way I can pinpoint you and find you After about three hours the second blonde finds he is really lost He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him He then waits for an hour and does it again He repeats this until he is out of ammo The next morning the first blonde finds the second with the help of forest rangers He asks the second blonde if he did what he told him to do The blonde answers Yes I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows

A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots The owner replied Sorry I don t have any at the moment Damn and blast said the blonde I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate and I have been told to be as authentic as possible hence the need for the parrot explained the Blonde Well said the owner if you come back here next week specifically on Thursday I am expecting a shipment from South America and I ll be able to supply you with a parrot guaranteed Damn and blast said the blonde I can t come on that day or for some time after Why not? Asked the owner Because that is the day I m having my leg amputated

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains She tells the salesman I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs The blonde promptly replies Fifteen inches Fifteen inches??? asked the salesman That sounds very small what room are they for? The blonde tells him that they aren t for a room they are for her computer monitor The surprised salesman replies But Miss computers do not need curtains The blonde says Hellllooooooooo I ve got Windoooooows

On their anniversary night the blonde husband sat his wife down in the bedroom with her favorite magazine turned on the soft reading lamp slipped off her shoes patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself How romantic she thought Two-and-a-half hours later she was still waiting for dinner to be served She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess Her harried blond husband removing something indescribable from the smoking oven saw her in the doorway Almost ready he vowed Sorry it took me so long but I had to refill the pepper shaker Why honey how long could that have taken you? More than an hour I reckon Wasn t easy stuffing it through those dumb little holes

One morning a blonde calls her friend and says Please come over and help me I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can`t figure out how to start it Her friend asks What is it a puzzle of? The blonde says From the picture on the box it`s a tiger The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles so he heads over to her place She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table He studies the pieces for a minute then studies the box He then turns to her and says First no matter what I do I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture ofthat tiger Second I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box

The Blonde s Petition Letter We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us We think this is hairassment It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke If we don t get our way we will not date anybody that ain t blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff Sined by the blonds at the ofise

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease Doctor would you mind telling me she asked how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal? Nothing is easier he replied You ask a simple question one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem If he or she hesitates that puts you on the track What sort of question? asked the hostess Well you might ask Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them Which one? the doctor replied The blonde thought for a moment then said You wouldn t happen to have another example would you? I ve never known very much about history

A blonde bombshell walks into the airplanes and sits in 1st Class and the stewardess asks her for her ticket The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket The blonde says Im a cute looking blonde and I`m flying first class The stewardess replys that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta the blonds then retorts I`m a cute blonde and I`m flying first class Just then the captian happened by and asked what was happening the blonde tells him I`m a cute blonde and I`m flying first class to Atlanta The captian whipers in her ear and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast He replied I told her that 1st class is not going to atlanta

Three women a blonde a redhead and a brunette are lost in the forest while hunting They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets They make a fire Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting She comes back with 2 rabbits The other two say Wow where did you get that? She says I found tracks I followed tracks I saw rabbits Rabbits ran I shot Rabbits stopped Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer The other two say Wow Where did you get that? She says I found tracks I followed tracks I saw deer Deer ran I shot Deer stopped The blonde leaves and comes crawling back all bloodied and black and blue They others say Wow where did you get that? She says I found tracks I followed tracks I saw train Train ran I shot Train didn t stop

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them The university agreed and set up the Blonde Education Department The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed They felt they really belonged now They wanted other students to see that they weren t just stupid bimbos -- after all they now had their own department at the university So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: I Belong in B E D

A blonde s car breaks down on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers Not surprisingly one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs It s not very long before a police car shows up The cop clearly enraged runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling What the hell is going on here? My car broke down says the lady calmly Well what are these perverts doing here by the road? asks the cop And she said Those are my emergency flashers she replied

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing She`d seen many books on the subject and finally after getting all the necessary items together she made for the nearest frozen lake After positioning her footstool she started to make a circular cut in the ice Suddenly from the sky a voice boomed THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE Startled the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole Again from the heavens the voice bellowed THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE The blonde now quite worried moved way down to the opposite end of the ice sat up her stool and tried again to cut her hole The voice came once more: THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE She stopped looked skyward and said Is that you Lord? The voice replied No I`m the Ice-Rink Manage

A guy took a blonde out on a date Eventually they ended up parked at a lovers point where they started making out After things started getting pretty good he thought he might get lucky so he asked her Do you want to get into the back seat? NO she answered Okay he thought may be she`s not ready yet Now he has her shirt and skirt off the windows are steamed and things are getting really hot so he asks again Do you want to get into the back seat? NO she answers again Now he has her bra off they`re both very sweaty and she even has his pants unzipped Okay he thinks she HAS to want it now Do you want to get into the back seat NOW? he asks again NO she answers yet again Frustrated he demands Well why not Because I want to stay up here with you

Jill and Pam applied for a single position at a company and both were given a written exam to determine their qualifications When the exams were scored it was found that both applicants missed only one question The hiring manager told Jill Thank you but I`ve decided to go with the other candidate What? cried Jill You said we both got nine out of ten questions correct It`s because I`m a blonde isn`t it? This is discrimination You people are going to have a lawsuit on your hands Not at all the manager said calmly I based my decision on the nature of each incorrect response And how can one wrong answer be any worse than another? the indignant Jill demanded Simple said the manager Pam answered question five with `I don`t know ` You put down `Neither do I `