संता: प्यार हो जाता है या करना पड़ता है? बंता: ये तो परिस्थिति पर निर्भर करता है! संता: वो कैसे? बंता: लड़की सुन्दर हो और स्कूटी पर हो तो हो जाता है। लेकिन लड़की बदसूरत हो पर मर्सीडीज में हो तो करना पड़ता है!

Banta walks into an insurance office and asks for a job We don`t need any one they replied You can`t afford not to hire me I can sell anyone anytime any thing We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell If you can sell just one you have a job He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks one for a 80 000 policy and another for a 50 000 policy How in the world did you do that they asked I told you I`m the world`s best salesman I can sell anyone anywhere anytime Did you get a urine sample? they asked Banta What`s that? Banta asked Well if you sell a policy over 40 000 the company requires a urine sample Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples Banta was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets one in each hand He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says Here`s Mr Brown`s and this one is Mr Smith`s That`s good they said but what`s in those two buckets? Well I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy

Banta was walking home late one night when he came upon this intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk Wanting to help he asked the man Do you live here? Yesh the man slowly replied Would you like me to help you upstairs? Banta asked Yesh the man slowly sputtered When they got up on the second floor Banta asked Is this your floor? Yesh again the man replied Banta got to thinking that maybe he didn`t want to face the man`s irate wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk So he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs But lo and behold when he went back outside there was another tramp lying on the sidewalk So Banta asked that man Do you live here? Yesh Would you like me to help you upstairs? Yesh So Banta did and put him in the same door with the first tramp Then went back downstairs where to his surprise there was another tramp So Banta started over to him But before he got to him the tramp staggered over to a policeman and cried For God`s sake offisher protect me from thish man He`sh been doing nothing all night long but takin` me upstairsh and throwing me down the elevator shaft

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat However just as the bartender put the beer on the bar there was a loud disturbance outside Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: Thanks for the beer Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway Again just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street Thinking that someone ran into his parked car Banta runs outside to check on things Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: Thanks again this was as good as the first one Well he still hadn t had a beer to quench his thirst so he ordered another Just as the bartender put the beer down a series of shots were heard outside This time Banta wasn t going to lose his beer to anybody So he spit into the beer and left a note saying Enjoy I just spit into the beer He then ran outside to see what had happened When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it However this time the note said: You enjoy I spit in it too

Santa is talking to Banta about married life You know he says I really trust my wife and I think she has always been faithful to me But there s always that doubt Banta says Yeah I know what you mean A couple of weeks later Santa has to go out of town on a business tour Before he goes he gets together with Banta While I m away could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean I trust my wife but there s always that doubt Banta agrees to help out and Santa leaves Two weeks later he comes back and meets Banta So did anything happen? I have some bad news for you says Banta The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away Later after dark the car came back I saw your wife and a strange man get out They went into the house and I saw a light go on so I ran over and looked in the window Your wife was kissing the man Then he took off his shirt and then they turned off the light Then what happened? says Santa I don t know It was too dark to see Damn you see what I mean? There s always that doubt

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat However just as the bartender put the beer on the bar there was a loud disturbance outside He ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: Thanks for the beer Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway Again just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street Thinking that someone ran into his parked car Banta runs outside to check on things Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: Thanks again this was as good as the first one Well he still hadn t had a beer to quench his thirst so he ordered another Just as the bartender put the beer down a series of shots were heard outside This time Banta wasn t going to lose his beer to anybody So he spit into the beer and left a note saying: Enjoy I just spit into the beer He then ran outside to see what had happened When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it However this time the note said: You enjoy I spit in it too

Two drunks Santa and Banta enter a hotel late at night They approach the clerk and Santa says Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms? You mean a room with two beds? asks the clerk Whatever whatever you shay So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room After fumbling for ten minutes they even manage to get their door open As they stumble inside the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness They go forward slowly and both fall on the bed closest to the door Ahh says Santa Now we can get some sleep at last As they try to rearrange themselves they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed Hey There s somebody in my bed says Banta There s somebody in my bed too says Santa Let s get rid of them We paid for this room and we re going to sleep in the beds says Banta They start a tremendous struggle They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor ALL RIGHT Santa shouts I ve thrown mine off the bed You re lucky says Banta I got thrown off and I m too tired to fight any more Well never mind says Santa Why don t you just come and share my bed Let s get some sleep round here

The worried Preeto sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear How are you darling? she said What kind of a day are you having? Oh mother said Preeto breaking into bitter tears I ve had such a bad day The baby won t eat and the washing machine broke down I haven t had a chance to go shopping and besides I ve just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around On top of that the house is a mess and I m supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy Oh darling she said sit down relax and close your eyes I ll be over in half an hour I ll do your shopping clean up the house and cook your dinner for you I ll feed the baby and I ll call a repairman I know who ll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly Now stop crying I ll do everything In fact I ll even call Ashok at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once Ashok? said Preeto Who s Ashok? Why Ashok Your husband Is this 2369125? No this is 2369135 Oh I m sorry I guess I have the wrong number There was a short pause and Preeto said Does this mean you re not coming over?

संता- तूने उस लड़की के लिए मांस खाना छोड़ दिया? बंता- हां! संता- शराब भी छोड़ दी? बंता- हां! संता- जुआ भी छोड़ दिया? बंता- हां! संता- अबे तो फिर उससे शादी क्यों नही की? बंता- ओह यार इतना सुधर गया था कि उससे अच्छी मिल गयी!

संता अपने पडोसी दोस्त बंता से बोला अबे आज सुबह तेरे कुत्ते ने मेरी किताब फाड़ दी। बंता: मैं उसे अभी सजा देता हूँ। संता: रहने दे भाई मैंने सजा दे दी है। बंता हैरानी से कैसे? संता: मैंने उसके कटोरे का दूध पी लिया।

Microsoft as usual in short of good software professional places an ad in all world famous news papers for a single position who would be in charge of their next operating system Windows2000 This becomes scary news as the ad says interview would be conducted by Mr Bill Gates Microsoft receives only three applications as the outcome from an American Japanese and an Indian (of course you guessed it right no one other than Santa) They are all invited to Microsoft HQ in Seattle for the interview Bill gates says I will ask you only one question and your answer should decide your fate All of them prepared to face Mr Gates eagerly wait for the question Bill asks How do we achieve Windows2000 from Windows98? American Japanese are puzzled and think over it and our guy Santa smiling and dancing in his chair says balle balle in mind After a while American answers Fix bugs in Windows98 for smooth transitions Bill shouts Get out of here The poor guy runs out The Japanese says Make Windows2000 more user friendly than Windows98 Bill Gates screams get the hell out of here Gates looks at Santa Santa giggles and says: Rename Windows98 Windows2000 Gates says Balle Balle You got the jo

Santa was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm The night was rolling and no car went by The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stop Santa without thinking about it got in the car and closed the door and only then realized that there`s nobody behind the wheel The car starts very slowly Santa looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way Scared he starts to pray begging for his life He hasn`t come out of shock when just before the car hits the curve a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel Santa paralyzed in terror watched how the hand appears every time they are approaching a curve Santa gathering strength gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town Wet and in shock he goes into a bar asks for two shots of whiskey and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through A silence enveloped everybody when they realize that Santa was crying and wasn`t drunk About half an hour later two guys walked in the same bar and one said to the other Look that`s the asshole that got in the car while we were pushing it

Santa had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home Not wanting to miss any of the first inning he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat After an hour`s wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out Hey Banta He looked up stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice-with no success Then he realized he had lost his place in the line and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again After he had purchased his ticket he was thirsty so he went to buy a coke The line at the concession stand was also very long But since the game hadn`t started he decided to wait Just as he got to the window a voice called out Hey Banta Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered looking for the owner of the voice But no luck He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke Finally he had his coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin As he waited for the first pitch he heard the voice calling Hey Banta once more Furious He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs My name isn`t Banta

Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things One day he thought he d see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable He asked his friend who owned an old Maruti if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory His friend said Sure So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend I ll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster twice if I want you maintain speed and repeatedly if I want you to slow down With that off they went Things were going pretty well with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph Banta was handling the speed just fine But all of sudden a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser radar gun at the ready He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph He called into headquarters on his radio Hey you guys aren t going to believe this but there s a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22 and there s a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them

Once Santa Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty Jaggi On a road surrounded by forests on both sides their car was attacked by robbers Santa his friends were pulled out of the car The robbers blasted the car and took Santa Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing Now this boss was fond of jokes So he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive but if one single person doesn t laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard One day and when he was finished everybody were falling with laughter except Santa So according to the vow the boss shot poor Banta Now it was the turn of Monty He also told the best joke he had ever heard Again everybody laughed including the boss his robbers but still Santa was quite as a statue So the boss shot him Then came Jaggi As he opened his mouth to tell the joke Santa suddenly burst into laughter Everyone was puzzled Santa was laughing madly The boss asked him Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke? Santa said laughing and giggling Oh How funny Banta s joke was