Santa and Banta were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared the weather report said You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets Santa said Jeez okay and got up from his coffee The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee The weather forecast was There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets Again Santa replied Jeez okay and got up from his coffee Two days later again they`re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared You must park your cars on the and the power went out and Santa didn`t get the rest of the instructions He turned to Banta Jeez what am I going to do now Banta? Banta replied Aw Santa just leave the car in the darned garage today

Santa had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver Truck driver motioned for Santa to pull over When Santa did he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Santa Stand in that circle and DON T MOVE He then went to Santa s car and cut up his leather seats When he turned around Santa had a slight grin on her face so he said Oh you think that s funny? Watch this He gets a bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car When he turns and looks at Santa he has a smile on his face He is getting really mad He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires Now Santa s laughing The truck driver is really starting to lose it He goes back to his truck and gets a can of petrol pours it on her car and sets it on fired He turns around and Santa is laughing so hard he is about to fall down What s so funny? the truck driver asked the blonde Santa replied Every time you weren t looking I stepped outside the circle

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat the waiter comes back and says Sir I m afraid there has been a mistake You see that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish The problem is this is the last chicken in the house I m afraid I ll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man s table and says Listen and listen good That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I ll warn you whatever you do to that chicken I ll do the same to you You pull out one of its legs I ll pull out one of yours You break one of its wings I ll break one of your arms The man calmly looks at the chicken then sticks his middle finger in the bird s rectum pulls it out and licks it He then gets up drops his pants bends over and says Go ahead

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot There was a sign on the cage that said 50 00 which seemed awfully cheap Why so little she asked the pet storeowner The owner looked at her seriously and said Look I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff The woman thought about this but decided she had to have the bird anyway She took it home and hung the bird s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something The bird looked around the room then at her and said New house new madam The woman was a bit shocked at the implication but then found it kind of amusing When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them enter and said New house new madam new girls The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised Moments later the woman s husband came home from work The bird looked at him and said Hi Nick New arrivals want? 25% off now

After days in the wilderness Santa and Banta stumble into a bar in the wild north in J K and ask for two beers Unfortunately they`ve got no money and the barman won`t give them credit Just then a Kashmiri walks in with a terrorist`s head under his arm The barman shakes his hand and says I f**king hate terrorosts Last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground raped my wife and killed my children If any man brings me the head of a terrorist I will give him Rs 10 000 Santa and Banta look at each other and then go off to find a terrorist Later that day they see one and Banta throws a stone which hits the terrorist on the head The terrorist falls off his bike but lands 100ft down a ravine Santa and Banta dash down into the ravine where Santa starts sawing the terrorist`s head off Suddenly Banta says `Santa look at this ` Santa says Not now I`m busy Banta says No look at this Santa says Shut up I`m busy Banta grabs hold of him and Santa looks up and sees hundreds of terrorists standing at the top of the ravine `Wow ` says Santa `We`re going to be millionaires

A foursome including Banta goes out on the course only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they ve ever seen who are playing in front of them After a few holes they start yelling them but that doesn t seem to speed their game up By the time they ve finished their round they re so pissed off that they go straight to the golf pro to complain Guys he tells them those fellow you ve been screaming at and taunting for the last three hours are blind You re telling us one of the irate foursome says No I meant it the pro says they re really blind They re trying to overcome their handicap by participating in sports Now embarrassed the first of the foursome says to the pro When they come in fix them up with new golfers shoes and put it on my tab The second guy adds And give them each a new set of club covers and put on my tab The third one chimes in Listen let them pick out a new golf shirt and put it on my tab They all stand there waiting for Banta to contribute something Noticing their stares he says What? Fuck em Let em play at night

Banta a mystery-lover take his place in the theater for opening night but his seat is way back in the theater far from the stage Banta calls an usher over and whispers I just love a good mystery and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this show However in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play I have to watch a mystery close up Look how far away I am If you can get me a better seat I ll give you a handsome tip The usher nods and says he will be back shortly Looking forward to a large tip the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office hoping to find some closer tickets With just three minutes left until curtain he finds an unused ticket near the ticket window and snatches it up Returning to Santa in the back of the theater he whispers follow me The usher leads him down to the second row and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle Thanks so much says Banta This seat is perfect He then hands the usher a quarter The usher looks down at the quarter leans over and whispers The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick

Santa decided to study for the MBA exam He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part One day when he was reading one of his friends came home Friend: Santa how is your MBA preparation? Santa: Every thing is fine but I could not understand Logic Friend: Logic is very easy Santa: Can you give me an example so that I can understand? Friend: OK Do you have fish pot in your house? Santa: YES Friend: Logically there will be water in it Santa: YES Friend: Logically there will be fish in it Santa: YES Friend: Logically someone will be feeding the fish Santa: YES Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish Santa: YES Friend: so logically your are married Santa: YES Friend: So that means you are a heterosexual Santa was very glad and he understood logic Next day he sees Banta who was also preparing for MBA Santa: How is your MBA preparation? Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic Santa: Oh logic is easy Banta: Please give me an example Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house? Banta: NO I don t Santa: Oh my God That means you re gay

Banta had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep As luck would have it the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city`s major jogging routes No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window He looked out and saw a jogger running in place Yes? Excuse me sir the jogger said do you have the time? Banta looked at the car clock and answered 6:15 The jogger said thanks and left Banta settled back again and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger Excuse me sir do you have the time? 6:25 The jogger said thanks and left Now Banta could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him To avoid the problem Banta got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying I do not know the time Once again he settled back to sleep He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window Sir? It`s 6:45

Banta has been admiring his neighbor s wife The neighbor s wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other Banta didn t know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she s married So one day the lady herself approached Banta alone in his apartment Banta: Hi Lady: Hi Banta: Is everything alright? Lady: Yes Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively) Banta: Wow Anything for the angel Lady: I I I jus­t don t know how to say this I ll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no Banta: Oh my lady you don t have to I am ready to do anything for you Lady: You know it s been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled Banta: Yes Yes Yes Lady: And even when he s around he has some (pause for a while) he has some disabilities Banta: Oh poor you You must have been going through hell Lady: I know you ll be stronger than him Banta: Sure Lady: Can you help me? Banta: Wow Now? Sure I m ready if you are ready Lady: Oh thank goodness That s why I came to you Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?

बंता एक बार में बीयर पीने के लिया गया जैसे ही बार वाले ने उसके गिलास में बीयर डाली बाहर एक बहुत जोर की आवाज हुई वह बाहर यह देखने के लिया भागा की क्या हुआ पर जल्दी ही अपनी बीयर पीने के लिए वापिस आ गया!

Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay But as this was his first time in an aeroplane he made a few preparations that were out of place When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal Santa declared loudly I have brought my own lunch Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks So as everybody was given their in-flight meal Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food Excuse me what is that drink? he asked Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said Milk of India Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting And what is that dish? asked the curious American Wheat of India replied Santa proudly Finally Santa took out some desserts He offered some to the American What is it? asked the American Sweets of India replied Santa After the meal everyone was settling down when there was a loud `Pooooooooot ` sound (fart) from Santa What was that? asked the American holding his nose in disgust Santa replied coolly That`s Air India

Santa went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem Santa`s mother-in-law died With the death certificate in hand Santa went to the Indian Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Punjab India for a proper funeral ceremony The Consul after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Santa that the sending of a body back to India for cremation is very very expensive It could cost as much as fifty thousand rupees The Consul then advised Santa that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to cremate the body here This would cost very less Santa thinks for some time and answers I don`t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that`s what I want to do The Consul after hearing this says You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price No it`s not that says Santa You see I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem On the third day he arose from the dead I just can`t take that chance

Java Interview attended by our Banta: Q Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres Q I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow? A Send it through courier Q Can I modify an object in CORBA? A As you wish I do not have any objections Q How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A Sorry Non living things can t communicate Q Explain RMI Architecture? A I am a computer professional not an architect student Q What is the use of Servlets ? A In hotels they can replace servers Q What is the dif ference between Process and Threads? A Threads are small ropes Make a rope from threads is an example for process Q What is JAR file ? A File that can be kept inside a jar Q What is JINI? A A ghost which was Aladdin s friend Q How will you call an Applet from a Java Script? A I will give invitation Q What is bean ? Where it can be used ? A A kind of vegetable In kitchens for cooking they can be used Q Write down how will you create a binary Tree ? A When we sow a binary seed a binary tree will grow

One Sunday morning Santa`s son burst into the living room and said Dad Mom I have some great news for you I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town She lives a block away and her name is Priya After dinner Santa took him aside Son I have to talk with you Your mother and I have been married 30 years She`s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom so I used to fool around with women a lot Priya is actually your half-sister and I`m afraid you can`t marry her Son was heart-broken After eight months he eventually started dating girls again A year later he came home and very proudly announced Sonu said yes We are getting married in June Again Santa insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news Sonu is your half-sister too I am very sorry about this Son was furious He finally decided to go to his mother Jeeto with the news Dad has done so much harm I guess I am never going to get married he complained Every time I fall in love Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister Jeeto just shook her head Don`t pay any attention to what he says dear He`s not really your fathe