Santa and Banta were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard As they were cruising along they came to an intersection The stop light was red but they just went on through Banta in the passenger seat thought to himself I must be losing it I could have sworn we just went through a red light After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again Again they went right through Banta was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that he was losing it Banta was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection At the next intersection sure enough the light was red and they went on through So he turned to Santa and said Santa did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both Santa turned to her and said Oh my am I driving?

Preeto arrived home after a long shopping trip and was horrified to find her husband Banta in bed with a young lovely thing Just as she was about to storm out of the house Banta stopped her with these words: Before you leave I want you to hear how this all came about Driving home I saw this young girl looking poor and tired I offered her a ride She was hungry so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn`t wear because they were out of style She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn`t suit you Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don`t fit into anymore Then as she was about to leave the house she paused and asked `Is there anything else that your wife doesn`t use anymore?` And so here we are

Banta`s wife Preeto was exceptionally fat due to hormonal imbalance On one of Banta`s trip to attend a friend`s wedding a thief broke in Banta`s house However the thief could not get lucky He was caught by Banta`s wife Preeto and was laid on the ground Hearing the shouts their domestic help Bahadur got up Bahadur being bahadur could not help much in holding the thief She could not hold him for much long Using her weight to her advantage she sat on the thief Then Preeto dictated Bahadur to go to the Village Police Post and call the police After 5 minutes Preeto saw Bahadur searching for something He vanished and appeared after 6-7 minutes Preeto asked whether the police is coming? Bahadur replied that he was still to call them and he was looking for his sleepers The thief who was under the tremendous weight of Preeto told the servant to wear his sleepers and just call the police immediately

An old man goes to his doctor complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation The doctor checks out his leg but can t find anything wrong so he gives the old guy a full physical exam and still can t come up with any possible explanation for the pain The doctor hands the patient his bill and says I m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age; there s nothing I can do about it The old man replies with a look of disbelief That s impossible That can t be The Doctor says What do you mean? I m the expert here; if you know so much how can you say it s NOT old age? The patient answers I m no doctor but it doesn t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong Clearly you re mistaken After all my other leg feels just fine So what?` says the doctor What difference does that make? Well it doesn t hurt a bit and it s the SAME AGE

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby After sitting in the waiting room for a while Banta gets called in for his interview The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked? Banta says Oh about 8 to 10 feet The boss says Mines are a lot deeper than that get out of here - you re no miner On his way out Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job Santa gets called in The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before? Santa says Oh sure The boss asks how deep underground he worked Santa says I used to work in a mine 20 000 feet underground The boss says 20 000 feet Wow That is incredible What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? Santa says Oh I didn t need a light I worked on the day shift

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby After sitting in the waiting room for a while Banta gets called in for his interview The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked? Banta says Oh about 8 to 10 feet The boss says Mines are a lot deeper than that get out of here - you re no miner On his way out Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job Santa gets called in The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before? Santa says Oh sure The boss asks how deep underground he worked Santa says I used to work in a mine 20 000 feet underground The boss says 20 000 feet Wow That is incredible What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? Santa says Oh I didn t need a light I worked on the day shift

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat While Santa is changing the tire another car goes by running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain Santa is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing Hey Why don t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something Santa is startled by the patient s seeming rationality but realizes the plan will work and installs the spare tire without incident Before he leaves he calls back to the patient You know that was pretty sharp thinking Why do they have you in there? The patient smiles and says I m in here because I m crazy not because I m stupid

Santa arrived in his village from Amritsar in a very sombre mood His clothes were torn and the geography his body was like a picturesque place affected by earthquake which had uprooted almost evrything When his dear friend Banta saw this state of Santa He was in a state of shock Banta enquired from Santa the reason of this bad state Santa informed Banta that when he boarded the flight from Birmingham to Amritsar he was looking for familiar faces to pass the journey And he came across his colleague Jack who was visiting India as a tourist Not able to hide my expression I said Hi Jack from a distance And suddenly the Air marshals swooped on me and in no time I was on the ground On landing at Amritsar I was handed to the Police and they are responsible for this sorry state I was saved by the timely intereference of Jack and The Superintendent of Police who turned out to be from my Wife Jeeto`s village

Santa and Banta were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel While rummaging through the boat`s provisions Santa stumbled across an old lamp Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear he rubbed the lamp vigorously To the amazement of the castaways one did come forth This particular Genie; however stated that she could only deliver one wish not the standard three Without giving much thought to the matter Santa blurted out Turn the entire ocean into beer Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash and the entire sea turned to the finest brew Simultaneously the Genie vanished to her freedom Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the sudden stillness as Santa and Banta considered their circumstances Banta looked disgustedly at Santa and after a long tension filled moment he spoke: Nice going Now we`re going to have to pee in the boat

Banta and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State s patriotic history during the freedom struggle The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head Both of them began earnestly Bhagat Singh said Santa and pulled one hair from the Bengali Netaji said the Bengali and did the same They continued like this for some time but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters The Bengali however was very clever He used Santa s ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names Banta was stuck He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter`s name He thought deeply for a moment jumped on the Bengali`s head and pulled all his hair out shouting - JallianWala Bagh

By the time Banta pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken You`ve got to have a room somewhere he pleaded Or just a bed I don`t care where Well I do have a double room with one occupant admitted the manager and he might be glad to split the cost But to tell you the truth this man by the name of Santa snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained I`m not sure it`d be worth it to you No problem tired Banta assured him I`ll take it The next morning Banta came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed How`d you sleep? asked the manager Never better The manager was impressed No problem with snoring Santa? Nope I shut him up in no time said Banta How`d you manage that? asked the manager Santa was already in bed snoring away when I entered in the room Banta explained I went over gave him a kiss on the cheek said `Goodnight beautiful ` and he sat up all night watching me

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one Saturday As they approached town they were astonished by the sky scrapers Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing They entered a large building with an enormous lobby The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for? Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door the door opens and the old lady enters a small room The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits Astonished Santa looks at his son while scratching his head and say s Son I don t know what just happened but run fast and fetch your mothe

संता : पापा, घर में मेहमान आए हैं, और शरबत बनाने के लिए नींबू नहीं है, अब क्या करें?
बंता : अरे, टेंशन किस बात की है, नये विम बार में 100 नींबू की शक्ति है, डाल दे 2 बूँद!!
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It was a dark stormy night Santa was on his first assignment and it was guard duty A Brigadier stepped out taking his dog for a walk The nervous Santa snapped to attention made a perfect salute and snapped out Sir Good Evening Sir The Brigadier out for some relaxation returned the salute and said Good evening soldier nice night isn`t it? Well it wasn`t a nice night but Santa wasn`t going to disagree with the Brigadier so the he saluted again and replied Sir Yes Sir The Brigadier continued You know there`s something about a stormy night that I find soothing it`s really relaxing Don`t you agree? Santa didn`t agree but then Santa was just a soldier and responded Sir Yes Sir The Brigadier pointing at the dog This is a Golden Retriever the best type of dog to train Santa glanced at the dog saluted yet again and said Sir Yes Sir The Brigadier continued I got this dog for my wife Santa simply said Good trade Si

Santa was not the brightest guy around Every day when he walked home from work he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money Finally Santa decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn`t happen again So Santa joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it One day on the way home from work Santa confidently decided to take his old route home and sure enough there they were He walked up to them and the battle ensued The next afternoon Santa went to his karate class with a black eye a broken nose and a busted lip His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation Well explained Santa I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money His instructor said What happened? Santa replied They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off