Santa and Banta are at work digging a hole Banta asks Santa other Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work? Santa said that he doesn`t know so he goes up and asks him why The guy under the tree says Because I have intelligence Santa says What`s that? So the guy under the tree stands up and says Punch me as hard as you can Santa winds up and punches him but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree His hand is now killing him Santa says Oh I think I know what it is now He goes back down to Banta Banta asks So why are we doing all the work? Santa replies Because he has intelligence Banta says What`s that Santa looks around for a tree but doesn`t see one so he puts his hand in front of his face and says Punch my hand as hard as you can

संता- यार बंता मैंने एक चीज नोटिस की है।
बंता- अच्छा क्या?
संता- मैंने हमेशा नोट किया है
कि जब रेलवे फाटक बंद होता है तो ट्रेन जरूर आती है।

Santa and Banta are walking home after a night on the piss They ve got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot Santa has a brainwave and says to Banta Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I ll stay out here and look out for the police Banta breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Santa is wondering what the hell he s doing Eventually Santa sticks his head around the door and sees Banta running from bus to bus and looking very worried What the hell are you doing get a move on To which Banta replies I can t find a number 25B anywhere Whereupon Santa holding his hands to his head in disbelief shouts You idiot steal a number 27 and we ll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way

Mrs Santa accompanied Santa to the doctor`s office After his checkup the doctor called the wife into his office alone He said Mr Santa is suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress If you don`t do the following he will surely die Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood For lunch make him a nutritious meal For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him Don`t burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day Don`t discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse And most importantly satisfy his every whim If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year I think your husband will regain his health completely On the way home Santa asked his wife What did the doctor say? You`re going to die she replied

Santa and Banta driving on a street in different directions Out of some unfortunate mishap the cars slammed into each other head-on They were able to get out of their cars without any serious injury but the cars were totaled Before Santa could say anything Banta said Instead of fighting over whose fault it was why don`t we just celebrate that we were able to come out alive? Santa said Yeah good idea I have a bottle of whisky in the trunk why don`t I pull that out? suggested Banta He went around and luckily the bottle was not damaged in the accident He gave it to Santa and said Here drink some Santa took the bottle and chugged half of it down Then he wiped his mouth and handed the bottle over to Banta Here you have some Banta passed it back and said No I think I`ll wait until the police get here

Exhausted looking Santa dragged himself in to the Doctor`s office Doctor there are dogs all over my neighborhood They bark all day and all night and I can`t get a wink of sleep I have good news for you the doctor answered rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream A few of these and your trouble will be over Great Santa answered I`ll try anything Let`s give it a shot A few weeks later Santa returned looking worse than ever Doc your plan is no good I`m more tired than before I don`t understand how that could be said the doctor shaking his head Those are the strongest pills on the market That may be true answered Santa but I`m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it`s hard getting him to swallow the pill

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day only to be confronted by Banta carrying a vacuum cleaner Good morning said Banta If I could take a couple of minutes of your time I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners Go away said the old lady I haven t got any money And she proceeded to close the door Quick as a flash Banta wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open Don t be too hasty he said Not until you have at least seen my demonstration And with that he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet Madam I will personally eat the remainder Well she said I hope you ve got a damned good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning

Banta thought he was dead but in reality he was very much alive His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive Nothing seemed to work Finally the doctor tried one last approach He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don t bleed After hours of tedious study Banta seemed convinced that dead men don t bleed Do you now agree that dead men don t bleed? the doctor asked Yes I do Banta replied Very well then the doctor said He took out a pin and pricked the patient s finger Out came a trickle of blood The doctor asked What does that tell you? Oh my goodness Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger Dead men do bleed

Our Santa a Japanese and a Britisher were lost in the desert They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down Because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey The Japanese took the radiator the Britisher took the seat and our Santa took the door After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese I`m confused why did you bring the radiator? The Japanese responded If I get thirsty I can drink the fluid Next our Santa asked the Britisher Why did you bring the seat? So the Britisher said If I get tired I am not going to sit on the sand I can sit on this comfortable seat Finally the Japanese asked our Hero why he had chosen the door Santa quickly responded to this question Well when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window

On reaching his plane seat Banta is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks And get me a whisky you cow The stewardess flustered brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls And get me another whisky you idiot Quite upset the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee Unaccustomed to such slackness Banta tries the parrot`s approach I`ve asked you twice for a coffee go and get it now or I`ll kick you The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards Plunging downwards the parrot turns to Banta and says For someone who can`t fly you complain too much

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw Santa and Banta eating grass by the road side He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate Why are you eating grass? he asked Santa We don`t have any money for food Santa replied Oh come along with me then instructed the lawyer But sir I have a wife and three children Bring them along replied the lawyer He turned to Banta and said Come with us But sir I have a wife and four children Banta answered Bring them as well answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo They all climbed into the car which was no easy task even for a car as large as the limo Once underway Santa says Sir you are too kind Thank you for taking all of us with you The lawyer replied No problem the grass at my home is almost a foot tall

Once Santa is traveling by train On his way he feels the urge to go to the bathroom So he goes and opens the bathroom door which happens to have a mirror in the front The Santa thinks there is someone in there quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat 5 minutes later he goes again only to find the same person there An hour passes away he has made 20 trips to the bathroom only to find that the same person is still there So he finally gets ticked off goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what s been going on The TC feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident person out Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell Santa I m sorry I can not do anything The guy in there is a railway staff membe

Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem The vet says I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls eyes will straighten out The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows The bulls eyes begin to straighten but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls eyes are crossed again The vet gives it another try but looses his breath again The vet looks at Banta and says You look like a strong man why don t you give it a try Banta agrees He then takes the pipe out of the bulls ass turns it around and sticks it back in He then begins to blow Shit says the vet What in the hell did you do that for? Banta replies You don t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on

Santa mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans but upon discovering it is going his way decides to stay on for the ride He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds over and over This really bothers Santa so he asks him What s wrong with you? The reply is I got this in the war Santa finds this pretty disturbing so he switches seats The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg causing him to kick the seat in front of him and even kicks Fred a few times So Santa asks him What is wrong with you? Again the answer is I got this in the war Santa moves The next guy poor Santa sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand Santa says Let me guess you got that in the war? His reply was No I got it out of my nose I can t get it off of my hand

An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun which will only be observable there when cannibals capture him The eclipse is due the next day around noon To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a GOD and threaten to extinguish the sun if he s not released but the timing has to be just right So in the few words of the cannibals primitive tongue that he knows he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him The guard s answered Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal Great the astronomer replies The guard continues though But because everyone s so excited about it in your case we re going to wait until after the eclipse