Santa and Banta bought two horses Now the problem was that they could not differentiate between the two horses So one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse so that it is easy to know that it is his horse When he does so an enemy of Santa sees him doing so This enemy cuts the left ear of Banta s horse Santa and banta are confused So next thing Santa cuts some body part of his horse and his enemy repeats the same on Bantas horse At last Santa s horse had no legs left and Banta s horse was with one leg only The enemy also went and cut Banta s horse one leg So in the morning it was the same sitaution How to differentiate between their horses So after thinking and putting lots of effort to their mind - Santa said - O K You keep the black one and I shall keep the white

Santa was walking through Rose Garden in Chandigarh and was astonished to see an old man fishing rod in hand fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses Tsk Tsk said Santa to himself What a sad sight That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers I ll see if I can help So he walked up to the old man and asked What are you doing my friend? Fishing sir Fishing well how would you like to come have a drink with me? The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar He ordered a large glass of Scotch snacks and a fine cigar Santa felt good about helping the old man and he asked Tell me old friend how many did you catch today? The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar blew a careful smoke ring and replied You are the fourth today si

One day Santa was talking with a salesman about his goats As they were talking the salesman noticed that one of the goats had a wooden leg What`s the deal with the goat with the wooden leg? asked the salesman Oh That`s the best goat I`ve got best goat I`ve ever had could just be the best goat in the whole world said the farmer Six months ago in the middle of the night our house caught fire That goat crawled under the fence ran to the house beat on our bedroom window with his horns woke us up and saved the lives of my whole family and me That`s the best goat I`ve got best goat I`ve ever had could just be the best goat in the whole world Okay okay said the salesman But what`s the deal with the wooden leg? Well heck said Santa A good goat like that you can`t eat him all at once

Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth The rabbit is dead and Santa panics He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever so he takes the dirty chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house hoping they will think it died of natural causes A few days later the neighbor is outside and asks Santa Did you hear that Fluffy died? Santa stumbles around and says Um no um what happened? The neighbor replies We just found him dead in his cage one day but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up gave him a bath and put him back into the cage There must be some real sick people out there

A man once spent days looking for his new hat Finally he decided that he d go to church on Sunday and sit at the back During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door On Sunday he went to church and sat at the back The sermon was about the 10 commandments He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister Father I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments I changed my mind The minister said Bless you my son Was it when I started to preach Thou shall not steal that changed your heart? The man responded No it was the one on adultery When you started to preach on that I remembered where I left my hat

Santa is Flying from Moscow to Delhi To his surprise sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov the world Chess Champion Santa has always been in awe of Chess players and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc Gary says How would You like to Play me for 500 US ? Santa: But you are too damn good Gary: I will play left handed Santa can not resist the bet and accepts Kasparov Check Mates our Santa in 8 Moves Santa is still scratching his head as he leaves the airplane Upon Reaching Amritsar Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov Banta: Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa (You are an absolute fool Santa) Santa: kyon (why)? Banta: Abe khote Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai (You donkey Gary Kasparov is a lefty no wonder he beat you left handed)

A man was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university One afternoon he was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it he started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch As he was doing this one of the dimmest apprentices Banta came along He asked him what he was doing He patiently explained that if he heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so he could then remove it So things get larger when they get hot do they? Banta asked Suddenly an idea flashed into his mind Yes he said that s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter There was a long pause then his face cleared You know I always wondered about that he said

Santa and Banta decided to start a business They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer They waited and waited but nobody turned up The story was the same the next day A week passed but nobody turned up WHY ? - B`cos there was a sign at the entrance Visitors not allowed After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage They waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage They waited for one day 2 days a week but no car came to their garage WHY ? - B`cos their garage was on the first floo

Banta was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he`d been seeing for some time He was quite nervous about the meeting though and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress The problem developed into one of acute flatulence and halfway through the coffee Banta realised he couldn`t hold it in one second longer without exploding A tiny fart escaped Boxer called out the young woman`s mother to the family dog lying at Banta`s feet Relieved at the dog`s having been blamed Banta let another slightly larger one go BOXER she called out sharply I`ve got it made thought Banta to himself one more and I`ll feel fine So he let loose a really big one BOXER shrieked the mother Get over here before he shits on you

Santa is going out of town and needs to board his horse for a couple of months So he asks a local farmer about it and the farmer says Sure but I charge rupess 500 per week and I keep the manure Santa told him that he can`t afford this much so the farmer refers him to another farmer down the road When approached with the request the farmer said said Yup I can do it for rupees 400 a week and I keep the manure This is still too much for our Santa and the farmer suggests that he try Banta When our desperate Santa asks Banta he is surprised to hear Sure I`ll be glad to do it for rupees 50 per month With delight Santa exclaimed WOW I suppose for that price you`ll want to keep the manure Banta looked at Santa with kind of a squint and says For Rupees 50 a month there ain`t gonna be none

One great day in Bombay One young couple was on honeymoon tour They saw Santa in front of Hospital (Bridge Candy) was trying to fill some form So eagerly couple enquired What are you doing Santa Santa replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form Young Couple as per preshedule they took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination On the very next day they find Santa in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form So once again young couple curiously asked Wahta are you doing Santa Santa once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form Couple said But Santa yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form Why are you in Delhi ? Santa replied Sir here in this form it is mentioned that FILL IN CAPITAL so I`m here in Delhi

This was when Santa was a little boy studying in a convent school He was busy doing his homework and as his mother approached she heard: One and one the son-of-a-bitch is two Two and two the son-of-a-bitch is four Three and three His mother interrupted asking where he had learned this way of doing math Santa remarked that his teacher had taught him His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework The next day she stormed into little Santa`s classroom and confronted the teacher She told her about Santa`s different way of doing math and his claims that she taught it that way to the class The teacher was flabbergasted She said that she couldn`t understand why Santa had said what he did Then suddenly she exclaimed Oh I know here in school we say one and one the sum-of-which is two

Banta although ordinarily eloquent had the misfortune of stuttering badly when excited Once when walking with his friend Santa down a crowded city street he said with great excitement L-l-l-l-look at that g-g-g-girl W-w-w-what a f-f-f-f-f-f-figure Where? Where? demanded Santa equally excited once Jones had managed to get his message across Too late said Banta quite calm She walked into a building A moment later he said L-l-l-l-look at that c-c-c-car N-n-n-n- never saw s-s-s-s-s---- Where? Where? demanded Santa again Turned the corner said Banta briefly A few minutes passed and Banta began again L-l-l-l-l-look Santa weary of having everything over before Banta could finish said It s all right I see I see There was a brief pause and then Banta said If you saw it why did you step in it?

Banta and Preeto got married and left on their honeymoon When they got back Preeto immediately called her mother Her mother asked How was the honeymoon? Oh mama she replied the honeymoon was wonderful So romantic Suddenly she burst out crying But mama as soon as we returned Banta started using the most horrible language things I`d never heard before I mean all these awful 4-letter words You`ve got to come get me and take me home Please mama Preeto Preeto her mother said calm down Tell me what could be so awful? What 4-letter words? Please don`t make me tell you mama wept Preeto I`m so embarrassed they`re just too awful Come get me please You must tell me what has you so upset Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words Still sobbing Preeto said Oh mama words like DUST WASH IRON COOK

Jeeto: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? Santa: Definitely not Jeeto: Why not - don t you like being married? Santa: Of course I do Jeeto: Then why wouldn t you remarry? Santa: Okay I d get married again Jeeto: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) Santa: (makes audible groan) Jeeto: Would you live in our house? Santa: Sure it s a great house Jeeto: Would you sleep with her in our bed? Santa: Where else would we sleep? Jeeto: Would you let her drive my car? Santa: Probably it is almost new Jeeto: Would you replace my pictures with hers? Santa: That would seem like the proper thing to do Jeeto: Would you give her my jewellry? Santa: No I m sure she d want her own Jeeto: Would she wear my shoes? Santa: No her size is 6 Jeeto: Silence Santa: Shit