There were three guys on a plane The first guy just ate an apple and decided to throw it out of the plane So he threw it out just before they landed When they landed they saw a little girl crying They asked her what was wrong She said I was just sitting here playing when an apple fell out of the sky and hit me in the head They said That sucks Then they took off again and the second guy threw a orange out of the plane When they landed there was a another little girl crying They asked her what was wrong and she said the same thing as the other girl except that an orange hit her in the head So they took off again and just before they landed the third guy threw a bomb off of the plane When they landed they saw Banta laughing So they asked Banta Why are you laughing what`s so funny? Banta said I farted and my house blew up

Banta was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff Full of fear he assessed his situation He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below If he should slip again he d plummet to his death Full of fear Banta cries out Help me But there was no answer Again and again he cried out but to no avail Finally Banta yelled Is anybody up there? A deep voice replied Yes I m up here Who said that? It s the God Can you help me? Yes I can help Have faith in me Help me Just let go Looking around Banta became full of panic What? ? Have faith in me Let go I will catch you Uh Is there anybody else up there?

Banta got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his PhD While looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis on he saw a cockroach walking around Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cut one of its legs And he said to him WALK ” The cockroach moves forward Then Banta cut its second leg and shouted WALK The cockroach manages to move forward Banta then cut its third leg and commanded WALK The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and shouted WALK The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table Banta repeated the same experiment with over a thousand cockroaches And he found all results matched Banta was jubilant Now My thesis is ready He proceeds to write down the subject: When All Four Legs of A Cockroach Are Cut it becomes Deaf

On retirement form the army Santa and Banta settled in adjoining villages on the Kalka-Simla highway One day Santa invited Banta to dinner to meet his visiting relations from London Banta thought that as the path was steep it would be useful for him to take a lantern with him for use on the return journey The party went on very well till about midnight with a lot of wining and dining Banta left in a jolly mood and reached home safely in the early hours The next morning there was a knock on the door Santa Sahib sent me to enquired whether you reached home safe and sound last night Santa`s servant said With a smile Banta replied Oh yes There was no problem The servant then said Sir you left your lantern at our place; instead you brought along the cage of our parrot with you I have come to return you lantern and take back the cage

Jeeto came running up to Santa jumping for joy Not knowing how to react Santa started jumping up and down along with her Why are we so happy? Santa asked Jeeto Honey I have some really great news for you Great he said tell me what you`re so happy about Jeeto stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down I`m pregnant she gasped Santa was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while Santa grabbed her kissed her and started telling her how wonderful it was and that he couldn`t be happier Then Jeeto said Oh honey there`s more What do you mean more? he asked Well we are not having just one baby we are going to have TWINS Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant he asked her how she knew It was easy she said I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward put in a bed tubes coming out everywhere A week later another man was admitted in a similar condition Both lay there machines pinging tubes poking etc a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say Bengali The other patient signaled he had heard raised his own hand and said Punjabi This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say Calcutta Other replied in a weedy frail voice Ludhiana Once more the strain was too much for them both and they passed out Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say Asit Replied the other Santa A few hours later Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly Cancer Santa responded Sagittarius

A golfer playing a round by himself is about to tee off when Banta a salesman runs up to him and yells Wait Before you tee off I have something really amazing to show you The golfer annoyed says What is it? It`s a special golf ball says Banta You can never lose it What do you mean scoffs the golfer you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water? No problem says Banta It floats and it detects where the shore is and spins towards it Well what if you hit it into the woods? Easy says Banta It emits a beeping sound and you can find it with your eyes closed Okay says the golfer impressed But what if your round goes late and it gets dark? No problem sir this golf ball glows in the dark I`m telling you you can never lose this golf ball The golfer buys it at once Just one question he says to Banta Where did you get it? I found it

Banta and his wife Preeto lived in a town filled with crime After three of their neighbors` houses had been robbed the couple decided to get a guard dog So Preeto went to the pet store and said I need a good guard dog The clerk replied Sorry we`re all sold out All we have left is this little Scottie dog But he does knows karate Preeto didn`t believe the clerk so he said to the dog Karate that chair The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces Then he said to the dog Karate that table The dog went up to the table and broke it in half So Preeto bought the dog and took it home to Banta who was expecting a big guard dog Banta was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog`s abilities as a guard dog When she told Banta that the dog knew karate he said Karate my ass And to this very day he is in the hospital

Banta: Waiter what`s this fly doing in my soup? Waiter: Um looks to me to be backstroke sir Banta: Waiter there`s a fly in my soup Waiter: Don`t worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get `em Banta: Waiter there`s a fly in my soup Waiter: Couldn`t be sir The cook used them all in the raisin bread Banta: Waiter there is a fly in my soup Waiter: Sorry sir maybe I`ve forgotten it when I removed the other three Banta: Waiter there`s a fly in my soup Waiter: Surely not sir It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about Banta: Waiter there`s a fly swimming in my soup Waiter: Then we`ve served you too much soup the fly should be wading Banta: Waiter there`s a dead fly in my soup Waiter: Yes sir it`s the hot water that kills them Banta: Waiter there`s a dead fly in my soup Waiter: What do you expect for 1 - a live one?

Santa and Banta had not seen each other in many years Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives Finally Santa invited Banta to visit him in his new apartment I got a wife and two kids and I`d love to have you visit us Banta Great Where do you live? Santa Here`s the address And there`s plenty of parking behind the apartment Park and come around to the front door kick it open with your foot go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow then enter When you reach the sixth floor go down the hall until you see my name on the door Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I`ll let you in Good But tell me what is all this business of kicking the front door open then pressing elevator buttons with my right then my left elbow? asks Banta Surely you`re not coming empty-handed

A very religious man Santa lived right next door to Banta an atheist Santa prayed day in day out and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord However Banta`s life was good he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife and his children were healthy and good-natured whereas Santa`s job was strenuous and his wages were low his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn`t give him the time of the day So one day deep in prayer as usual he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: Oh God I honor you every day I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin Yet my neighbor Banta who doesn`t even believe in you and certainly never prays seems blessed with every happiness while I go poor and suffer many an indignity Why is this? And a great voice was heard from above: BECAUSE HE DOESN`T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME

पति: मैंने रात को सपना देखा। पत्नी: क्या देखा? पति: कि तुम प्यार कर रही हो। पत्नी: किससे? पति: वही तो मैं पहचान नहीं सका। रात मैं बिना चश्मे के ही सो गया था।

There was this case in the hospital s Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 A M regardless of their medical condition This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM A worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 A M all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about Some were holding prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil Just when the clock struck 11 Santa the part-time Sunday sweeper entered the ward and unplugged the life support system plugged in the vacuum cleane

Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad One day his partner Banta said to him “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each we still can’t sell any ” Santa replied “Use your head Banta Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each But here’s the plan Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats If I know them my clients will think we’ve made a mistake They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000 ” “What a terrific idea ” said Banta “I’ll send them out today ” Two week’s later Banta says to Santa “What a stupid idea it was Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice but only sent back four coats ”

Once Santa and an American had a discussion over whose civilization was technologically more advanced in the ancient times As the discussion was getting nowhere they both decided to do some archaeological excavation to prove their respective claims So the American started digging up in USA and after some time came up with a curly wire of a telephone He wrote in his report - US civilization was so advanced even in the ancient times that people then were using telephones; as has been proved by the presence of telephone wires amongst the excavation finds Now Santa went to Punjab and started his own digging He dug and dug but could not come with anything and so went and wrote in his report - Indian civilization was more advanced even in those times that we were using cellular phones; as has been proved by the absence of any telephone wires in the excavation finds