एक बार संता एक दांतों के डॉक्टर के पास जाता और अपनी परेशानी बताता है। डॉक्टर : वो तो सब ठीक है पर आपके ये तीन दांत टूटे कैसे? संता: पत्नी ने कड़क रोटी बनाई थी। डॉक्टर: अरे तो दांत तुडवाने से अच्छा था कि आप खाने से मना कर देते। संता: वही तो किया था।
Banta had a bull that he was quite proud of One day he looked at the bull and noticed his eyes were crossed That was disconcerting because he knew he couldn t get huge stud fees for a defective bull He called the local vet who came right over The vet assured him he could solve the problem Banta you stand in front of the bull and watch his eyes I will insert this straw into the bull s rectum and blow When the eyes uncross yell stop The vet did just that and sure enough after a few minutes of blowing the eyes uncrossed Banta was thrilled Several months pass and again he sees the eyes cross He says to himself I better call the vet No wait a minute Last time I called the vet he charged me 1000 bucks for something that only took a few moments I will do it myself He went to the barn and called his trusty farm hand Santa Santa we have a problem here and this is what I want you to do I will put this straw in the rear of my bull and blow You watch his eyes and when they uncross tell me and I will stop blowing Banta started blowing and blowing and nothing happened Finally he said You know maybe I am not strong enough Lets trade positions and you blow and I will watch Santa went over to the bull pulled out the straw turned it around and reinserted it What the hell are you doing Santa? says Banta What do you think? I ain t blowing on the same end that you did
संता अकेले ही जोर जोर से हँस रहा था
जसवंत- क्या बात बहुत खुश हो
संता- कल रात मेरे दोस्त बंता ने चुपके से मेरे फोन से मेरी गर्ल-फ्रेंड का नंबर ले लिया
जसवंत- ओहहहहहहह फिर
फिर क्या बेवकूफ कल रात से अपनी ही बहन को रोमांटिक मेसेज भेजे जा रहा है
Banta Singh and Santa Singh enrolled at the astronaut-training program at Houston Texas Before starting the program the coordinator warned them that they would not be allowed a drop of alcoholic drink during the program and that they had to certify this in writing Both agreed to this condition and began their training After 2 months both of them began to desperately crave for alcohol They hatched up several schemes like trying to bribe the guard but he would have none of it They tried to escape into the town adjacent to the training center but were nabbed One night Banta said to Santa Oye Santa I’ve got an idea Remember what they taught us this morning about rocket fuel? It contains a huge proportion of alcohol Now if we could just steal some of it and mix it with soda it will taste like a whiskey soda Santa agreed and the next day they stole 2 liters of the fuel and mixed it with soda cooked some tandoori chicken drank their fuel-soda and had a great time At the end of the evening Banta left for his room and said that he’d ring Santa in the morning so they could have tea together The next morning Banta rang up Santa and asked Oye Santa tu hale toitet to nahin gaya? (hope you have not been to the loo yet) Santa: nahin (no) Banta Je jaega tau Amritsar de val mooh rakhna mai Tokyo to boal reha hoon (when you go try and face Amritsar [the hometown] I am in Tokyo)
एक नौजवान बंता की लड़की का हाथ मांगने उसके घर गया बंता जानता था कि वो कुछ भी नहीं कमाता और आवारा घूमता रहता है! बंता ने लड़के से कहा मैं नहीं चाहता कि मेरी बेटी जिन्दगी भर एक गधे के साथ रहे! लड़के ने कहा मैं जानता हूँ तभी तो मैं इससे शादी करना चाहता हूँ
Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper You can say what you want about Florida but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north These are actual ads seen in The Villages a Florida newspaper FOXY LADY: Sexy fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty 80 s slim 5 4 (used to be 5 6 ) searching for sharp-looking sharp-dressing companion Matching white shoes and belt a plus LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot Dizziness fainting shortness of breath not a problem SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude long walks sunrises the ocean yoga and meditation If you are the silent type let s get together take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks corn on the cob and caramel candy BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar If you were a groovy chick or are now a groovy hen let s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday If you can remember Friday Saturday and Sunday let s put our two heads together MINT CONDITION: Male 1932 model high mileage good condition some hair many new parts including hip knee cornea valves Isn t in running condition but walks well
In Korea when a patient is taken to hospital a white wristband is placed on their left arm These wristbands contain the patient s name and information When a patient dies a red wristband is placed on their right arm and they are taken to the morgue In one particular hospital in Korea a young doctor was working the night shift It was around 2 AM when he finished his last operation He was on the 5th floor and pressed the button for the elevator The doctor was tired after a long day and was looking forward to the end of his shift At 2 AM the hospital was very quiet Most of the patients were asleep and many of the nurses had already gone home He entered the elevator and there was just one other person there He casually chatted with the woman while the elevator descended The elevator stopped at the basement and the door opened They saw an old man dressed in a white gown standing there The old man was about to get in when the doctor suddenly slammed the close button and punched the button for the 5th floor Why did you do that? asked the astonished woman I ve performed a lot of operations replied the doctor I ve seen a lot of people die When a patient dies they get a red wristband placed on their arm The woman was silent You saw it didn t you? said the doctor That old man That old man had a red wristband on his arm A red wristband said the woman as she raised her right arm You mean like this one ?
एक दिन संता दुखी होकर अपने दोस्त बंता के घर जाता है और बंता से कहता है; संता: यार मुझे अपनी बीवी से तलाक चाहिए! बंता: लेकिन क्यों आखिर ऐसा क्या हुआ? संता: वो 6 महीने से मुझ से बात ही नहीं कर रही! बंता: एक बार फिर सोच लो ऐसी बीवी सिर्फ किस्मत वालो को ही मिलती है!
संता ट्रैफिक पुलिस के इंटरव्यू के लिए गया: इंटरव्यूअर: एक आदमी गधे की सवारी करता हुआ रोड से जा रहा है और उसने हेलमेट नहीं पहना है तो क्या आप उसे दण्डित करेंगे? संता: नहीं! इंटरव्यूअर: क्यों? संता: क्योंकि हेलमेट 2 व्हीलर के लिए जरूरी है 4 व्हीलर के लिए नही!
Three guys were trying to sneak into the Asian Games Village at Busan South Korea to scoop souvenirs and autographs The first says Let`s watch the registration table to see if there`s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in Immediately a burly athlete walks up to the table and states Fan Zhiyi China Shotput He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant The attendant says Very good Mr Fan Zhiyi Here is your packet of registration materials complete with hotel keys passes to all Olympic events meal tickets and other information The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling strips off the limbs and roots walks up the registration table and states: Chang Koehan North Korea Javelin The attendant says Very good Mr Koehan Here is your packet of registration materials hotel keys passes meal tickets and so forth Good luck The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover walks up to the registration table and states: Hidetoshi Nakata Japan Discus The attendant says Terrific Mr Nakata Here is your packet of registration materials hotel keys a full set of passes and meal tickets Enjoy yourself They scamper in but suddenly realize that Banta is missing They forgot to make sure he doesn`t do something stupid and blow their cover stories Just then Santa walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: Banta Hoshiarpur Punjab FENCING
संता ट्रैफिक पुलिस के इंटरव्यू के लिए गया। इंटरव्यूअर: एक आदमी गधे की सवारी करता हुआ रोड से जा रहा है और उसने हेलमेट नहीं पहना है तो क्या आप उसे दण्डित करेंगे? संता: नहीं। इंटरव्यूअर: क्यों? संता: क्योंकि हेलमेट 2 व्हीलर के लिए जरूरी है 4 व्हीलर के लिए नही।
एक बार संता एक कपडे दुकान में गया और दुकानदार से बोला भाई साहब क्या आप औरतों के कपडे भी रखते हैं? दुकानदार: जी हाँ कहिये। संता: तो मुझे एक लेडीज सूट दिखाइये। संता की बात सुन दुकानदार ने उसे बड़े गौर से देखा और बोला बीवी के लिए चाहिए या कोई अच्छा वाला दिखाऊ?
Santa goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: OK old fellow time to retire The old rooster says: You can`t handle all these chickens look what it did to me The young rooster replies: Now don`t give me a hassle about this old man It`s time for the old to step aside and the young take over so take a hike The old rooster says: Aw c`mon just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner I won`t bother you The young rooster snarls: Scram Beat it You`re washed up I`m taking over The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: I`ll tell you what young fellow I`ll have a race around the farm house with you Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop The young rooster smiles: You know I`m going to beat you old man So just to be fair I`m even going to give you a head start The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks Go and the old rooster takes off running About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast Santa sitting on the porch hearing the commotion looks up and sees what`s going on Quickly he grabs his shotgun and BOOM The young rooster is blown to smithereens Santa sadly shakes his head in disgust: Damn That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week
Santa and his wife Jeeto were living in a farm up in the hills One day Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full He tells Jeeto that he doesn t know what to do to empty the hole Jeeto says Why don t you go ask Banta down the road? So Santa goes down to Banta s house and asks him My outhouse hole is full and I don t know what to do to empty it Banta tells him Get yourself two sticks of dynamite one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air While it s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm fertilizing your ground The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole Santa thanks him then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse He goes home and puts them under the outhouse He then lights them and runs behind a tree All of a sudden Jeeto comes running out of the house and into the outhouse Off goes the first stick of dynamite shooting the outhouse into the air BOOM Off goes the second stick of dynamite spreading shit all over the farm WHAM The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole Santa races to the outhouse throws open the door and asks Jeeto are you all right? As she pulls herself up she says Yeah but I m sure glad I didn t fart in the kitchen
संता ट्रैफिक पुलिस के इंटरव्यू के लिए गया! इंस्पेक्टर ने पूछा: एक आदमी गधे की सवारी करता हुआ रोड से जा रहा है और उसने हेलमेट नहीं पहना तो क्या आप उसे दण्डित करेंगे? संता: नहीं! इंस्पेक्टर: क्यों? संता: क्योंकि हेलमेट 2 व्हीलर के लिए जरूरी है 4 व्हीलर के लिए नहीं!
