Santa and Banta are riding through the desert on their horses As they ride along Banta smells something horrible He stops his horse and turns around He says Hey you shit your pants? Santa says No He believes him and they keep riding As they go on the smell gets worse The smell is so bad flys begin to swarm Banta stops his horse and turns around He then says Are you sure you did not shit your pants? Santa Yes I am sure They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable Santa is swatting the flys away Banta stops his horse and gets off his horse He then says Get of your horse Pull down your pants I thought you said you did not shit your pants? Santa replies I thought you meant today

Banta bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from amritsar where he lived to Jalandhar to meet his friend He reached Jalandhar in a few hours After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in evening But he did not reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day when he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him and asked Arre puttar ki hoya? Banta got out obviously very tired from a long journey and said Oye ye Mruti waale paagal hain agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain aur piche jaan waaste sirf ik (These Maruti-makers are crazy: they make four gears to go forward but only one to go backward )

Santa is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions He takes his seat in the examination hall stares at the question paper for five minutes and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out During the last few minutes he is seen desperately throwing the coin swearing and sweating The invigilator alarmed approaches him and asks what is going on Oye I finished the exam in half and hour but yaar he says I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote

Fresh out of business school the young man answered a want ad for an accountant Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous Banta who ran a small business that he had started himself I need someone with an accounting degree Banta said But mainly I m looking for someone to do my worrying for me Excuse me? the accountant said I worry about a lot of things Banta said But I don t want to have to worry about money Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back I see the accountant said And how much does the job pay? I ll start you at eighty thousand Eighty thousand dollars the accountant exclaimed How can such a small business afford a sum like that? That Banta said is your first worry

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights Santa was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound guooonn guooonn Santa gets very irritated He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says so ja machchar bete so ja (Goto sleep O dear mosquito goto sleep) After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands So Santa goes near it and says Guoooonnnnn guoooonnnnn

How did it happen? the doctor asked Banta as he set the Banta`s broken leg Well doctor 15 years ago Never mind the past Tell me how you broke your leg this morning Like I was saying 15 years ago when I first started working on the farm that night right after I`d gone to bed the farmer`s beautiful daughter came into my room She asked me if there was anything I wanted I said No everything is fine Are you sure? she asked I`m sure I said Isn`t there anything I can do for you??? she wanted to know I reckon not I replied Excuse me said the doctor What the hell does this story have to do with your broken leg? ? ? Well this morning Banta explained when it dawned on me what she meant I fell off the roof

Santa and and his wife Jeeto went to a fair Santa had never been on an airplane was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much aride would cost Rupees one thousand for 3 minutes the pilot replied That`s too much said Santa The pilot thought for a second and then said I`ll make you a deal If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound the ride will be free But if you make any sound at all you`ll have to pay me the whole amount Santa and Jeeto agreed and went for a thrilling ride After they landed the pilot said to Santa I want to congratulate you for not making a sound You are a brave man Maybe so said Santa but I gotta tell you I almost screamed when my wife fell out

Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle They bought tickets seeing it was for charity The following week when the raffle was drawn they each won a prize His colleague who won the first prize got six month s supply of Cadbury s chocolates Second prize winner got three month s supply of Cadbury s chocolates Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush About a week later at the office canteen the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes Great said the the seond prize winner I love chocolates So do I said the first prize winner And how s the toilet brush? he asked Banta Not so good Banta said I think I ll go back to pape

Santa bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar where he lived to Jalandhar to meet his friend He reached there in a few hours After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening But he did not reach in the evening and not the next day either When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran and asked him Arre Puttar ki hoya ? Santa got out obviously very tired from a long journey and said Oy ye Mrutti wale paagal ho gaye hain Agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaae hain aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ? (These Maruti guys have gone crazy they ve made four gears for going forward and just one for going back )

A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Saudi Arabia A friend asked Why weren t you successful with the Saudis? The salesman explained When I got posted I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch But I had a problem I didn t know how to speak Arabic So I planned to convey the message through three posters First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and fainting Second poster: The man is grinking Coca-Cola Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed And then these posters were posted all over the place Terrific That should have worked said the friend The hell it should have said the salesman No one told me they read from right to left

Stung by a bee Santa comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain Please doctor you ve got to help me I ve been stung by a bee Doctor: Don t worry; I ll put some cream on it Santa: You will never find that bee It must be miles away by now Doctor: No you don t understand I ll put some cream on the place you were stung Santa: Oh it happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree Doctor (in anger): No no you IDIOT I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting Santa (still screaming in pain): On my finger The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts Doctor (banging his fist abusing and shouting): Which one? Santa (innocently): How am I to know? All bees look the same to me

Santa and Banta had this mule that was a very hard worker The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything One day the Santa and Banta decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening While they were working a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing so they explained the problem The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit They thanked their neighbor and he drove off Then Santa said to Banta Some stupid neighbor we have it`s not his feet that`s too long it`s his ears

Banta left for work one Friday afternoon But being payday instead of going home he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck When He finally appeared at home Sunday Night he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him How would you like it if you did not see me for two or three days? To which Banta replied That would be fine with me Monday went by and he did not see his wife Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results Come Thursday the swelling went down just enough where Banta see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

Banta is traveling by the train On his way he feels the urge to go to the bathroom So he goes and opens the door which happens to have a mirror in the front He thinks there is someone in there quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat Five minutes later he goes again only to find the same man there An hour passes he`s made 20 trips to the bathroom only to find that the same person is still there So he finally gets ticked off goes to Ticket Checker (Our Santa) asked him What`s been going on Listening to him Santa walks down to the compartment with the troubled Banta to get the man out A few minutes later he comes back and tells Banta I am sorry I cannot do anything The guy in there is a railway staff membe

Santa`s son was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother Jeeto How was I born? Well dear said the embarrassed Jeeto the stork brought you to us Oh said the boy and how did you and daddy get born? Oh the stork brought us too said Jeeto Well how were grandpa and grandma born? the boy persisted Well darling the stork brought them too said the frustrated Jeeto A few days later the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn`t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations Stork is a large mostly white bird with very long legs which walks around in water to find its food